Planets in alignment

I need to make this short. Business meeting in Edinburgh yesterday culminating in dinner in a glass boardroom on top of building directly overlooking Edinburgh Castle. Mojitos and Bisongrass followed in Tiger Lily chased by deep fried Mars bar. Back to Malmaison for a drink (or two) and bed at 2.30am.

5.20am, my alarm call to get up to catch an early flight home accompanied by my boss to spend the day doing joint meetings with him. Can you see where things might start to wrong?

It's now 5.45pm. At 7.30 I have to be at a hotel for a formal dress industry dinner (which turns into a complete piss up) and act as host to 7 guests ( 4 of which are women) including my boss.

3 hours sleep, copious amount of drink, ladies in pretty dresses and my boss. I'm fucked, aren't I?

tittle tattle

Breasts. Two of my favourite words, if you know what I mean. I could look at them all day. No matter how hard I try to avert my eyes they always lock on, Exocet style.

A friend of mine got a new pair last week. She's not what I'd call an attractive girl. Not ugly in any sense either, a bit too skinny perhaps. Her 34As were not doing it for her so she spent £4000 on an upgrade seeing as her marriage had just ended. Sitting out in the sun on Sunday afternoon with a few friends, all female excepting me, she unzipped her cotton jersey cardy to show the girls her new playmates and "forgot" she was just wearing a crocheted dress underneath. Her "forgetfulness" was magnified by her decision to tweak her protruding nipples before casting her gaze in my direction.

To me her 34Ds still looked like a pair of rigid porn burger baps unsympathetically highlighted by a distinct lack of cleavage, there being more resemblance to the profile of the Great Rift Valley than a Welsh one.

Ladies, don't mess with nature. Find a way to better present what you have. I'll be happy to lend a hand.


p.s. take the test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on boobs

changes

Does anyone really enjoy Valentine's day? I don't. I'm not sure I can say I've ever actually enjoyed it so I suppose I'm ambivolent. I got my first Valentine card when I was about 12 or 13 in school. It was sent to me in sympathy because 2 of the most fanciable girls in class had heard me saying I'd never received one.

When I think back that was the start of my insecurities. I felt pretty ordinary, perhaps less than ordinary and certainly lacking in confidence. I can't remember if I got another Valentine card at school, I suppose I must have but I know I didn't have a girlfriend in any way until I was about 17. Self-assured I was not. For years after I struggled to think well of myself, still do.

Isn't it funny how we can allow ourselves to be mentally neutered and how this can stretch out over years of our lives affecting all our important interactions.

I never received a card today. I'm quite happy about that.
So some things don't change. Happily, other things do.




me, now 43. with my specs on. (fretting about focus hence the dour bake)

Tits and arse

Now and again a tiny sparklet fizzles across the vacuum that currently occupies the space where my brain used to reside. It's never the genesis of a eureka moment like Newton's third law or the Archimedes Principle. Today's spark came after being away for 2 days and drinking heavily last night into the wee hours as I mooched around the airport awaiting my flight home this evening. Was I a tit or an arse man? Told you! Of course the answer changes from day to day and whoever happens to be the unlucky recipient of my gaze at the time. The decision du jour appears to be dependant on such weighty aesthetic variables as;

• size
• presentation
• setting

I'll try to explain each in turn. Size, I'm not saying big's good and small's bad. It's more complicated. It's a combination of shape and size. There's an X factor. I think there must be an optimum rate of curve programmed into mens' heads that just presses buttons. That's why cleavage works and Wonderbras sell. Which brings me on to .....presentation. Ladies, do yourself favour and get a proper fitting bra (try one back size down and a cup size up) and see what happens. Now turn sideways and adjust it properly. See, that didn't take long. I used to sell those things a long time ago. Can call out a bra size at 40 paces (or alternatively, close up with my eyes closed), a unique talent that is completely fuckin' useless to me. And buy a nice bra. Never buy a cheap bra. Same goes for matching pants (knickers, U.S. peeps) Don't buy a size too small here though or you'll separate things that just weren't meant to separated. Thongs are seldom a good choice, they don't help to shape anything. Proper pants and knickers please though not Bridget Jones'. Bums can benefit from jeans, trousers, skirts, dresses, yep anything, as long as they're a complimenting shape. If you've got a big arse wear a top or dress that narrows your waist. Keep away from baggy stuff. Same goes if you're a skinny arse too actually. Can't work out why so many women get it wrong. O.K. So now I've given you a perkier chest and rounder arse I have a dilemma. Which looks best? Actually, that's the simple one. Setting, just depends if I'm standing in front or behind.

If you need free, unbiased, confidential advice on these important issues my mailbox is always open for sample photographs.

Today's entry has been sponsored by dirty old men everywhere, Gossard and Victoria's Secret.

Dirty weekend

Is it that time again? It always creeps up on me. Once in a while an old friend comes to stay the weekend. You see, we had a torrid affair many years ago and ...well, she just won't let go. I know I should say something but ...she's a good person, average looking, smells nice and has made a packet in the movies. So, out of the goodness of my heart I allow her to be my fuck buddy. Magnanimous I'm sure you'll agree. We mostly stay indoors if you know what I mean. It's not as if she gets recognised when we go out or anything, even after she did that Matrix sequel. It's just that she's a bit of a minx ....and she's sooo into me. So if you don't hear from me for a day or two you'll know why.

Don't do this

There are things in life one just shouldn't do. No ifs or buts, they're just not clever. I'm not saying I've done any of these but take it from me that I have it on good authority that the following are NOT recommended.

1. drinking Guinness whilst entertaining someone of the opposite sex. It's o.k. if you stop at 2 but if you drink on or if your meal is particularly rich or mix it with a quality Merlot..... well, let's just say have your excuse ready for later on. Or make sure your coat is handy. If they'd been able to mass produce that noxious gas during WW1 think how many lives would have been saved.

2. lighting a cigarette from a camp-fire. I know it'll seem cool and avoid the problem of having to find who's nabbed your lighter or fight the slightest of breezes to ignite your cancer stick of choice but you'll only succeed in giving yourself male pattern baldness in 2 seconds flat. And your eyelashes and eyebrows will look just a tad silly when reduced to black shrivelled stubs.

3. falling asleep after sex only to awake in excruciating groinal pain due a condom still being in place, wanger, for the first time, as big as a baseball bat but having the appearance of the most massive blood blister you can imagine. Not a good look.

The Empire strikes back

We all need a boost once in a while. Does us the world of good. An ego stroke. So Saturday I was supposed to be meeting a friend for a drink. When we arrived at our chosen imbibing emporium, The Spaniard (which is smaller than my living room) he told me that we might be being joined by a girl he met a couple of nights before and her friends who were supposed to be travelling on to see a live band somewhere else. Rock chicks. Well, as sure as constipation follows 2 bowls of All-Bran they turned up not 5 minutes later. Not his type I thought but what do I know and she seemed chatty enough, good fun. One of her mates had more chins than Jabba the Hut and the other ... well, there was something about her. Black shoulder length hair, 5' 4'ish and very smiley. I'm a sucker for smiley. After some persuasion we decided to join them at the Empire. Smiley kept Jabba company and my mate's new "mate" bobbed between him and me and them. Smiley and me kept catching each other looking. She popped herself over beside me at the bar and we chatted (or rather I berated her) at the fact she still lived at home at the age of 25. She mentioned that she spent more time at her boyfriend's house but.... well, she kept getting close. Kissy close. You know that moment when you both realise you're too close to do anything other than kiss, when you feel the electricity, when you feel oblivious to everything else happening around you. That's one of the best feelings anyone can have.

Hard work

There's a bit of a kerfuffle going on at the minute. The Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has been outed about a recent affair he had. He wasn't sacked by Tony B Liar but a member of the public complained to the police on the grounds that, as a public servant, having a bit of slap and tickle on company time (and in his case at an employer provided office) is an offence. It certainly should be in his case, have you seen the pic? Police are investigating as we speak.

Apparently 20% of U.K. companies have a policy regarding relationships which would mean something like this is grounds for dismissal. It got me to thinking if I'd ever compromised myself in that way and of course I have. I'll stop the clock at 5. No, just remembered ...6. Actually 8, I'm all out at 8. So, I can't really have a go at John. Work hard, that's what I say.

Hokie Cokie

Dinner last night was a Thai fusion type dish, delicious. So was the service. I went to a bar/restaurant I hadn't been to in a while and I recognised the bar manager/waitress from about 3 or 4 years ago. Shoulder length hair, fine, straight, healthy figure (not skinny, not fat) emphasised by her white lycra T and fitted black trousers and such a sexy, sexy smile. We locked eyes and I could feel her stare intensely. Nothing ever happened 4 years ago partly because I'd heard she was mad as an axe and her ex boyfriends were no strangers to the nuances of the legal system. She looked every bit as good as I remember, she noticed I noticed her and we kept locking eyes right until I left. I have to go to a birthday party tonight, but not there. Pity.

what was said

Were you here last week?
Ah, yeah, I think I was.
Yeah, thought so. My friend recognised you. (There was no friend in site)
Are you staying in here for the rest of the night?
Not sure. I'm with a group of people.
Do you want to go to a party?
Sorry, my mate's emigrating, it's a sort of leaving-doo. I'm just going to go where everyone else goes.
Uh, OK. Do you think there's something wrong with me? (What?)
No, no. I'm just going to drink a lot and have a laugh with him before he leaves.
Do you think I'm good looking? (Oh, no.)
You're not my type. (perhaps too much tan and make up)
I'm not ?
Well, do you like the intellectual type or the sporty type? (this should do it.)
Ha, Ha. The intellectual type.
I'm the sporty type.
Ha, ha, ha. You're funny! (Oh, crap)
I'm not really.
Ha, ha.I've got the house to myself later. (What?)
I thought you said you were going to a party.
Ah, well, if I wasn't going home. You know...
Oh! Well, it sounds like you are. Enjoy your party. (Obvious, surely)
Ha, ha.You could come too. (But apparently not....)
To the party or home?
Um, with me.
I think I'll have to decline, sorry.
Do you not fancy me? (I'm sure we've done this already)
Ah, no, not really.
Are you being rude. (Perhaps)
No.
I think you are.
Well, whatever.
Don't you want to sleep with me? (Deaf or stupid?)
What! No, look I'm not interested. Sorry.
You're being nasty.
I'm not trying to be, honest. Look come half one everyone'll find you attractive.
Will you come over and talk to me later then?
Ah, that's unlikely.
Ha, ha, ha. So you don't want to kiss me now then? ( I sense a need to use the BIG ONE)
I'm, er .... gay. (I can't believe I just said that)
Fucking wanker!!

you said what?

Went to my new favourite bar on Saturday night before returning to have an impromptu party at my new house.

Quote of the evening was....


"Do you prefer the intellectual type or the sporty type?"

"The intellectual type."

"I'm the sporty type."

*pause for dumbstruck look*


Priceless.

Christmas dinner (and why I'm pathetic) part 2

This follows on from part 1 found here.

Part 2

So where was I . Vulnerable - that's where I was. NEWPA was casually slipping her arm around me in that "I'll keep it loose so it's friendly but if you reciprocate I'll really get friendly" kind of way. You know what I mean don't you? During the next wee while we chatted and other colleagues were in our company.
I had picked up that NEWPA was a bit too drunk and started to order up glasses of water for her making sure she was sipping them. I think we loosely stuck around each other - I wanted to make sure she didn't get taken advantage of and I had no romantic notions myself because of the state she was in - and she hung around me as we exited to the residents bar. It was here that my boss's, boss's boss started a conversation with me. All I'll say is that I should know by now. These boss type fuckers have a tendency to ask questions and I have a tendency to answer forthrightly. (When I was going through airport security next day I felt someone grab my arm. Yeah, it was him. Earth swallow me up please!) Next time will be different (why o why can't I just be rude and walk away from these people when they ask me questions, it would be so much less harmful for me in the long run).
Back to the plot. I am being topped up with large glasses of wine by all and sundry. That's just what I need with no sleep in 24 hrs and severe dehydration due to the dodgy guts. NEWPA is still here and my drunkenness must be catching up with hers.We can both barely speak and she loosely holds my fingers or my waist or gets really close to my face. You know what's coming next. My excuse is that I was drunk. I never can make good decisions when I'm drunk. Can't evaluate a situation. It's my folly. I let her bounce off my face in what was probably half a dozen attempted casual snog passes - the ones where they can be accidentally put down to losing her balance,blah, blah, blah. But 6 times? I am such a twat.
It's now past 4 and she is more sober than anytime over the last few hours - good. I however am swaying in the strong breeze created by an anorexic waitress gliding by- not good. Nothing happens. Nothing except EXPA comes to join us remarking that "Why did I leave her with ... earlier?" and for some unknown reason (and this bit really isn't like me) I get into and then take over a conversation about dick size. WTF !! Can the A team please swoop in and distract everyone with potato mortars and bling and stupid theme tunes, I need rescued. EXPA went to bed. NEWPA, who had now been joined by a friend of hers asked for 4 of us remaining to sit at a table. I think I must have been close to catatonic now. Funny I didn't remember being that way until the autopsy the next day. Bed (solo) was a mere few minutes away.
So there you have it. Or not.

I have some BIG questions for myself.

• Why was I such a gent?
• Why do I think I'm still sober when talking to a boss?
• Why can't I work out the small signs?
• Why can't I drink water like Jebus?
• Why do I turn into my brother when I'm drunk?
• Why did I spend a lot of the night making fun of fat girls ? (Oh, I'm not proud- forgot to mention that earlier. In my defence it was only the really fat ones who dressed inappropriately - I'm still digging that hole aren't I ? Shut up man!!).

I should have been tucked up in bed early on, dictating to a PA - any PA. I have another of these type of events in January, except bigger. Can you please give me some advice, some words of wisdom?

Christmas dinner (and why I'm pathetic)

As this is a much longer entry than normal for me I'll stick part 1 up now. Please put part 1 before your comment (for the benefit of later readers) and I'll update with part 2 as soon as possible. Thanks.
Part 1

You wanna know how the Christmas dinner went? Oke doke. Now, you already know what the ending is, it's only how I got there that differs.
So, night before - I get 2 hours sleep due to my daughter being unwell and an early flight. Arrive to the all day meeting thing which unexpectedly included alcohol. Bucks Fizz at breakfast followed by wine. Meeting ends and get a lift to the hotel. Try to sleep. No dice. Have, how shall I say, a dodgy stomach (onion bhajis at lunch) and spend most of the time between 6 and 7pm when the dinner starts on the toilet. Meet colleagues in the bar and have my first 2 glass worth of merlot. Veeeeery fucking boring so far, I know.
In walks a black dress attached to a beautiful beaming smile and blond bob who is of course my colleague from this entry. Yes, the flirty one who I may have done/said something inappropriate with in the past. Contact.
One of my colleagues brags how he spent £980 on drink whilst entertaining earlier in the week. He and 4 others who work in his department have already consumed 15 bottles of champagne today (somebody say he's a dickhead please).
We sit for dinner. Now this is where you have to start paying attention. My boss's ex P.A. arrives after everyone else in seated. She walks in and at first I struggle to recognise her as she appears to be 2/3 legs and has a catwalk gait. Dress code was supposed to smart casual ( whatever that is) . She's wearing a short-suit, hot pants and a sleeveless top combined, black, lycra, 60's detailing. Do I need to describe this is any more detail? I have a feeling we may be talking later. After the first course I realise sooner or later I'm going to have a cigarette. Due to the bad guts and the the fact I might not even make the end of dinner I decide to buy a pack now. (Sorry Junq, I'm weak.) I return to the bar during the meal (which takes 2 hours to serve) several times to have an occasional cig and top up my wine. It's easier to talk here anyway and socialise. Hello ex P.A. . EXPA is quite thin (did I say she had long legs?) so not usually my area of interest. She seemed pleased to see me. Smallchat. Back to dinner. Circulate with colleagues (there's about 300 in the room). Around this time I approach Smiley Flirty. For no apparent reason she was really "off" with me and the conversation lasted only a minute. Perhaps I have something to apologise for after all. Between a rebuff, giving in to the cigarettes and having to clench my cheeks for the last 2 hours or so this night isn't shaping up well.
I reverberate between the 2 bars for a while meeting various people along the way. EXPA is sitting on her own and I sit with her and congratulate her on her show stopping entrance. She feigns embarrassment and tells me how much she hates her legs. "You ! You've fantastic legs. Stand up EXPA!" And to my surprise she does and lets me wallow in her glory. There is a God and sometimes he even listens to me! A guy comes along and starts to chat with her. She seems interested in what he has to say so I leave them and move back to the comfort of the bar a few feet away where I bump into my boss's current P.A. . We'll call her NEWPA. NEWPA is happy. She calls out my name, grabs my arm and proceeds to tell me how nice I am. This could turn into a dangerous situation. 2 rebuffs, she's caught me on the rebound.


to be continued....

What not to say to a woman

Men and women just don't think or communicate in the same way. No news there, I know. But if you're a man here are some things you might want to avoid saying.

What Not to Say to a Woman

• "What happened to your hair ? Will it stay like that ?"
• "Are you going to wear that tonight ? I thought you were going to get changed."
• "Birthday ? Who's birthday ?"
• "Did your clothes shrink in the drier ?"
• "Your sister is nice. What's her name ?"
• "You're how old ?"
• "Do you think you've been putting on some weight ?"
• "Look ! There's my old girl friend. Let's go over and talk to her."
• “Is that grey hair ?”
• "That's not the way XYZ did it."
• "What I really like about you is your tits."
• "Do you want to borrow my razor ?"
• "Did you have a shower earlier ?"
• "It only looks bad from certain angles."
• "Have any of your friends ever had a 3-some ?"
  
• "Why don't you get your hair cut like XYZ."
• "You remind me of XYZ."
• "That was probably the 2nd best sex I've ever had."
• "It is nice. It just doesn't really suit you."
  
• "I think you look O.K. for your age."
• "When you hit 40 I'll change you for 2 20s ."
• "If I win the lottery I'll give you half."
  
• "I thought you were taller."
• "It's just a little bit of cellulite. Nothing to worry about."
• "As long as it's quick. There's a program coming on in 15 minutes."
• "Marriage is for mugs."
• "I'd like you to be a bit more feminine."
• "Your share of the meal works out at ...."
• "What size do you wear now ?"
• "Have you always been a girl ?"
• "They look exactly the same as your other shoes."
• "Have you thought about getting one of those bras that lifts ?"
• "Pizza is a meal."
• "I know you said you just wanted a cuddle but I'm horny now."
  
• "Is it O.K. if I put the lights out before you take that off ?"
• "I still remember when you were really sexy."
• "I was only talking to her, I mean I could have - I just didn't want to."
• "Are you going out without your make-up ?"
• "I don't even like going to that bar - it's always full of young girls."
• "My tongue's got cramp."
• "All my other girlfriends were good looking but had no personality."
• "Your dress looks fine. No-one's looking at you anyway."
  

Never ever use the word "weight". Think - hole, small twigs and leaves. There is no possible way to avoid being thought of as a callous bastard after you use this word in any context about your partner - e.g. ...

"Have you lost weight ?" translated is "So you did think I was fat ?"

Feel free to add your own examples of what not to say in the comments section.

who'd have thought ... ?

I was at a birthday party last night . The most stunning person there was a friend of the celebrant - a Yemeni woman with long black slightly wavy hair and smouldering looks wearing a black strapless pencil dress . It seems dropping the Arabic word for prostitute into the conversation is an easy way to impress .

I'm really sorry ...

The title ? Just practising . O.K. - sit down and I'll tell you .

You see I went to Manchester for a work conference type thing . I only got 4 hours sleep the night before my flight so it was a long day . I met the usual bunch of colleagues some known to me, some not . There was 1 girl however - not a stunning beauty but very, veeery sexy and she's always smiling . She flirts outrageously with me and this time was no exception . She worked out early in the day that we were to be seated at the same table for dinner and when we went in to the room she changed name cards so she could sit beside me . Flirting ensued . By the time dinner had started I had already gained considerable familiarity with the best Merlot on the wine list .

• I heckled the guest speaker
  
• I had a less than positive conversation about by boss (he was sitting directly opposite me)
• I may have said or done something inappropriate with the flirter
  
• I stayed in the bar to 5 am although can't remember anything past 11 pm
  
• I told my boss's boss some things I probably shouldn't
  
• I ignored my alarm clock until exactly 8.29am when I awoke with my contact lenses still welded to my eyes - the first session of the 2nd day was starting at 8.30am sharp
  

So, as you can see Monday is a daunting day for me .

Now where was I ?

I'm really, reeeaaallly sorry .....

breathe

Often I don't know what I should write here . Sometimes I know what I want to write but know it'll take too long for me to type it in - my entries usually end up short . Today for example I had a couple of subjects I wanted to write an entry about but my plans were abruptly derailed after a quick visit to my local Co-op ( convenience store ) earlier this evening . I went round to get some essentials , bread , milk , some MDMA - you know the score . Standing in the queue for 5 minutes there is normal as there's usually only 1 old girl scanning your vitals . The queue built up and old Betsy wasn't making an impression ( she has 2 speeds , too fucking slow and stop ) so a young redhead slips in behind the counter and yells "next please" . Up I step to her till passing Betsy's customer on the way . My nostrils flare instinctively as I snort a line of ..... pure acrid sweat . But this is a young .... lady . That smell belongs on a fat fifty year old male who eats the wrong food , the poisons clogging his organs forcing liquid excrement out his pores . Forgetting my mouth was open I suck in a lung full of the sweaty haze . An involuntary gag throws my tongue forward as I reach out my hand to collect the change and I taste her disgusting smell . I couldn't have been more exposed to it if I'd pulled up her top and tongued her dripping arm pit . F U C K M E ! Ladies , if one of your brethren has an odour problem please , for the love of God do me a favour and point her to the deodorant aisle .

engagement

On Saturday night I went to a party at a friend's brother's house . Being a bit of a lad in his day it was a complete surprise to have received the text message earlier in the week from his sister . The big fool had gotten engaged and the party was going to be at his house in the country - a farmyard . Although it sounds a bit naff there couldn't be a better location, perched on a hill overlooking the town we all grew up in . As with previous parties there he'd sorted out food, a barbecue, tower lighting, gas heating and seats for the open ended barn and when I arrived it was in full swing . Part of me was looking forward to it, part not . Let me deal with the "part not" first . Last time I was there I arrived late making a grand entrance in my sexy black TT driving into the courtyard in the darkness with a boot stocked with enough drink and miscellany to guarantee the contentment of a small posse .



Having drawn everyone's attention I set up my ingredients on the tables acting as bar . White Russians all night reduced me to someone who needed a pep which of course I'd brought along . Some of his more sensible guests caught me hoovering up some when they went to use the bathroom . Unfortunately it was too late to do any good and I ran out of pep before I ran out of white Russians and I got sooo drunk I don't even remember spending the last hour of the night crawling around the courtyard trying to light cigarettes and find my car keys in full view of the audience I drew the attention of on my arrival . At some point of the night I had sex over a car too and chose to take control of the selection of music . What a dickhead . I knew that most of the same crowd would be there on Saturday night .

I was looking forward to seeing my friend . I had only seen her once or twice in the last year as she works away mostly . We'd spent a lot of years getting really good at taking drugs - she was better at it . She has also spent most of her adult life as a non-drinker but with the help of some other friends we had cured her of that , eventually ! Her younger sister was going to be there too - she used to live with me .

On arrival the first person I met was D . (D is a friend of the host's younger sister and a bridesmaid for the betrothed) . She seemed pleased to see me - we have had an occasional dalliance in the past . I'd talk to her later but wanted to catch up with the host who I had seen walking into the house . When I caught up with him he was standing in the kitchen with his fiancée . I'd been out with them the night they first met celebrating D's birthday . Anyway , his fiancée started to introduce herself ( forgetting that we'd already met ) when I interrupted with "you're a very STUPID woman!" . She remembered me now . Two of her friends immediately joined us one of them planting a soft kiss on my lips on her way to the toilet . The host announced that they were carpet munchers . She seemed familiar and I know I've seen her about in some of the city bars I drink in . For the rest of the night she engaged me in eye contact wherever she was and though her partner seldom left her side kept moving to be in my line of view right up until her taxi came . No doubt we'll cross paths again .

D was telling me she'd been to get a fitting for a bridesmaid's dress and was bitching about it . I took the opportunity to remind her about her aborted wedding - she stropped off . Blame it on lesbian lust and illicit eye contact . Anyway she works about 300 yards from where I live and she's such a fantastic kisser !

I pretty much came out of the night with no real negatives bar the hangover . The sound system was powered by an i-Pod all night , I never ended up on the floor and Percy was kept in the pants . During the summer here the nights never get completely dark , there's always a glow in the west and it was fantastic to be in the country and see the clouds silhouetted by the long set sun . Rounded off a great evening .

shame on me

Well boys and girls . The answer . I had just met up with my friends when I spotted her . X came up to meet me and we had a brief chat . X said I was looking very well , younger and that I'd lost weight . X too was looking very well - very tanned - she always had some colour and good skin but then she is 13 years younger than me . Apparently my new phone number had been sought from some mutual friends . X asked me for it anyway and keyed it in to her phone . As she was tired and hadn't been feeling well for a day or two she said she'd be going home soon leaving her friends to continue drinking but now that she had my number would give me a ring during the week to meet up for lunch .......

Dilemma

Saturday night I went back to my old hometown to meet some friends for a drink in what used to be my local . Within 2 minutes of arriving I found sitting 6 feet away from me was an ex girlfriend ( I thought she was in New Zealand ) who is home for 3 weeks .

My question is what should you do if you meet up with an old girlfriend unexpectedly in a bar ?

1. give her one
2. get her number and give her one
3. talk as friends and agree to keep in touch
4. pretend you haven't seen her

Comments welcome .