moving times

I'm just dropping a note to say I've moved again. Here.

a short weight

Two routers later and I "might" have solved my connection problem. Some niggles, nothing serious. About 1.5 to 2 Mbps on the XP desktop and a mighty 4.5 to 5.5 Mbps on the Ubuntu Linux laptop.

Back to the point. These numbers are important. I am a 5'7" ish giant who weighs 82.4 Kg, 181.5 lbs or 12st 13lbs depending on where in the world you hail from. My intention in January was to lose 1lb a week for 26 weeks to be 11st (154lbs) by holiday time. Unfortunately this was unlikely to happen as I chose to do nothing that would lead to weight loss (unless you consider eating until I'm bloated/fridge empty/nauseous as being helpful). Seeing as I booked flights today for a holiday in 5 weeks time I think even 14 lbs would be pushing it but I'm all ears for techniques involving anything other than starvation or amputation.

If only I'd thought of this....

Funny what you come across on the interweb.

I particularly like January 7th.

Do you have a favourite?

Things

It's funny how "things" create or stir emotions in us. Inanimate objects. When we're babies it'll be a blanket or a dummy or a wee cuddly toy. Life goes on, the years pass but there'll always be "things" that we hold dear completely unrelated to their material worth. A photo, a letter, a watch, jewellery, a ticket. All for different reasons but with the common theme running through that they make us feel comfortable, comforted. Happy memories. Now, as a grown up (more usually groan up) I always feel that way about cars. Doesn't matter if it's been an old banger, a heap of scrap or a an expensive lump of German metal, the feeling's the same. This morning my car's being taken back by my old employer. I need a new blanket.

Dearly beloved....

About to change job as I am I'm wrestling with what I should use the next 2 to 4 weeks wind-down time doing. I've thought about clearing my office and getting it proper business like for the new job, doing some electrical and decorating work around the house and clearing all the hedges and shrubs I don't like from the garden. Yawn. They're not getting your juices going either I see. What's a man to do with 4 weeks on his hands that'll make a difference to the world, leave a mark, a permanent reminder that I was here, that I was worth something (first one to say delusions of grandeur signs their own death warrant).

So.... I've come to the obvious conclusion that it would be a good idea for me to start a new religion. A cult if you must. A misspelling if you insist.

I need a bit of help though. Some other bored buggers have got in ahead of me and have pillars and commandments and the like. We (yes, you're invited) need to come up with some original rules and practices we can base our religion on (and that we can live by without making too much effort).

So, on you go then.

Back to drudgery

I have to check the tickets. The ones I bought before I left. Someone won £11m. "It could be you" as the lottery ad says. I hope to fuck it is. Work doesn't seem very attractive to me right now. Spain seems too warm at this time of year but with £11m I reckon I could find somewhere suitable. Fingers crossed.

when I got home

I flew home late evening and arrived to find a lot of people in the house drinking, music playing . Walls are still unpainted their bare plaster still drying or dusty. A friend, Jan, links arms with me and walks upstairs to a dimly lit, furniture-less room with few people in it. I haven't seen or spoken to her in a few years. She was my first girlfriend. She was upset and asked me why I'd done/said certain things. I was aware of a group of 3 or 4 men standing several feet away as she held my arms leaning back against one of the dusty walls her eyes looking directly into my soul. As I struggled to reply my girlfriend/partner, Ana, walked up the hallway into the room, pulling me away. She wasn't happy to see me perhaps because I hadn't even said hello when I came in, or so I thought. Ana, walked me over to the opposite wall, her petite east asian frame seeming smaller in the emptiness of the room. Holding me just as Jan had and piercing me with eyes welling up she asks me why I've been so cold with her, especially so soon after her assault, some lads/men had hit her a few times when she had been making her way home after a night out six weeks ago. I felt the pain of Ana's grip on my forearms as she became angrier, speaking with a trembling chin, louder and louder until she let go, pushing me away.
"I was fucking raped that night, haven't you worked that out!"
I stood in shock, contrasting emotions cascading over each other in a second. Anger/hate at them, guilt, love.
She stormed out, the room open mouthed, back down the hallway leaving me feeling emptier than I'd ever felt, me still speechless desperately trying to swallow the lump in my throat that felt like it was choking me.


I woke up this morning trying to comprehend what had/was happening. There is no Ana, it wasn't my house. Why had I dreamt this? Relieved. Confused.

Mini happy returns

Over the years I've had a wide selection of cars. Some good, some ...not. Of course my first car was a Mini which I bought when I was 18. It was a complete pile of shite - hideous two tone paint job and wouldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding. But it was mine. It was only 8 years younger than me and I'm glad I had it (although it didn't run more often than it did) because it was where I learned about those sort of things. I learned how to bleed brakes (and inhale asbestos before I knew what it was), change brake shoes, replace wheel bearings, change the cylinder head, dismantle the carburettor (when cars had those). And it gave me freedom at a time when I still lived at home.
Fast forward 24 years and I drive a car that cost 200 times more but has broken down 10 times in the last 2 months. Of course now you lift the bonnet and see a wall of plastic, no recognisable engine features remain and the home tinkerer is reduced to ensuring he has the emergency number programmed into his phone.

Can I have my Mini back please?

the guess-what-happened-next competition

Regular readers will be aware that me and large amounts of alcohol don't mix well. In a few hours I get on a plane to attend an all day meeting followed by the work Christmas dinner party. Rather than me tell you in 2 days time what I did I thought it would be more fun if readers left a comment forecasting what you think I'll do. If you trawl through my archives you might see some patterns. The winner gets to accompany me on a night out with an unlimited drinks budget.

Good luck.

Please wait while this page loads ...

young(ish), free and single

It seems most of the blogging world is looking for sex / relationship . Perhaps even both ! As a general rule most who have these are unhappy anyway . Maybe if someone invented some way for people to meet and get it on the world would be a happier place . Oh wait, someone already did - speed dating, going to bars, personal ads, web dating etc etc .

Hmmm, your thoughts please ?

easy come , easy go

I've been looking to buy another house for about a year . Made an offer for one the other day . Got outbid by £5000 . Increased my bid by another £5000 ( so that's £10000 in a couple of hours) . Got a message on my answer phone . They accepted, other bidders pulled out . Bastards !

a wee weep

In a house full of televisions and satellite boxes it's hard not to flick through a few channels and catch something worth watching . Tonight I was perusing the film channels and happened upon Love Actually . A few years ago I wouldn't have given a film like this the time of day but I stopped changing channels and let it wash through . I saw it a few weeks ago too,sitting in on a Saturday night, my daughter tucked up in bed . Hugging a large glass of merlot I sat there getting emotionally involved at all the to-ing and fro-ing in each of the relationships while listening to it's fantastic soundtrack . Now don't get me wrong, it's not Oscar material because it's a feel good movie with stories of love lost, but there are half a dozen performances in there that get you involved - like Liam Neeson but particularly Emma Thompson and Laura Linney . Long story short - I got a trembly chin a few times and some wet cheeks . Tonight, it was already part way through when I came upon it . And when my emotions had been engaged I drifted off to think about my daughter . I can't imagine my life without her .
Turn on the taps .

Can you identify this?

Just a spider attached to my bin . Not one of the usual kinds I get 'round here .






1 Sept. - UPDATE - apparently it's a type of garden spider commonly known as a cross spider . well , I've made a few spiders cross in my time so perhaps it's appropriate .
you can just about see the upside down crucifix on it's back .

Is f-u-c-k a bad word?

Is fuck a bad word ? It's origins don't come, as is popularly believed, from 19th century English prisons , fuck being an acronym for "for unlawful carnal knowledge" . The shorter f.u.c.k. was supposed to have been written on the inmates' clothing .
It actually comes from a pseudo latin word "fuccant" meaning , well ... to fuck and was spread in various forms in north european languages "fokken" dutch for thrust/copulate , focka , fukka and fock derivatives in other languages and all meaning broadly the same thing .
Do you use it ? If you were to write out the names of ten friends (include yourself) what proportion of them use the word occassionally ?

500 firefighters getting hot and sweaty

Now , this doesn't light my candle but I know how you girls ( and some boys ) get all in a lather at the site of a man in uniform whose ressusitation skills can suck start a Harley Davidson .

So , if you're at a loose end this weekend , here's where you'll find them .... link

- Thanks Sonia ( you bas.....)

I know everyone has already done one of these - I think ( can't be arsed looking back to check ) that this is the first one of these I've done . I'm quite private so I've been sitting waiting for the right moment to do this . I'm tired and weak , just enough energy to hit "publish entry" .

Three screen names you have had (other than this one):

For security reasons I don't tell anyone – no exceptions

Three things you like about yourself:

My eyes

My cutting sarcasm and dry wit

My determination

Three things you hate/ can improve about yourself:

Discipline ( or lack of ) - sort of conflicts with one above

Procrastination – gonna get round to sorting that out one day

Eat healthier – very sweet tooth , my dentist will vouch for this

Three parts of your heritage:

Irish

Scottish

What ? You want me to make 1 up ?

Three things that scare you:

Heights – though I've climbed a mountain

Water ( can't swim ) - though I've scuba dived and jet ski-ed

The thought of going blind – still working on that

Three of your everyday essentials:

News

The internet

My car

Three things you are wearing right now:

Damn , I'm gonna have to put something on .....

Three of your favourite bands or artists at the moment:

Faithless

1 Giant Leap (o.k. These two are constants , so what ? )

Radiohead

Three new things you want to try in the next twelve months:

Visit Eastern Europe – possibly September

A vasectomy

At least 7 hours sleep a night

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Room to breathe

Humour

Spontaneous sex

Now that I look at those any man could have written them

Two truths and a lie, in no order:

I worked in intelligence

I can use a Kalashnikov

I only choose to live in places where I can piss in the back garden

Three things about the sex you are attracted to that appeal to you:

Smile

Nice skin

A good dress sense

Do I have to stop at 3 ? - I suppose that weeds most of them out for a start

Three things you just can't do:

I can do anything – I just choose not to

Three of your favourite hobbies:

Taking pictures

Drinking- pathetic I know

Snowboarding – two truths and a lie , right ?

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

Retire

Have another cigarette I don't need

Stop smoking

Kill Paris Hilton

Learn how to count

Three careers you're considering:

Full time masseuse guinea pig

Bank robber

The one I'm supposed to be in

Three places you want to go on vacation:

Vietnam again

Japan – they're completely nuts

Venezuela

Three kids names:

Naimh ( pronounced Neave )

Aoife ( pronounced Eefa )

Connor – you can manage this one on your own

Three things you want to do before you die:

Learn at least 1 language fluently – English would be a good start

kILL pARis HiLToN - sorry getting twitchy

Lose 1 1/2 stone - well , funerals , big day and all that - you wanna look your best

Three people who have to take this quiz now!!!:

MizzVee

Michael

I leave this last spot open – first one to volunteer can have it

What do you think really happened ?

Picked this up from a Digital Photography forum "DPReview" . I'll post it word for word .

I'm a night shift taxi driver. I take my camera with me everywhere. I work the late shift and have done for years. I'm pretty used to seeing weird and strange stuff and dealing with weird and strange people.

Tonight I was doing the usual ... picking people up ... dropping them off, you know, the kind of thing taxi drivers do.

Tonight, about 10:30pm in a southern suburb of Perth West Australia, I picked up a guy from a local pub and drove him the few Kms to his house, which was an address on a fairly dark and short dead-end street. He payed the fare, said thanks, then wandered up his driveway.

I turned the cab into the driveway opposite and spun it around to drive out of the street. As I took off there was a guy a few houses away standing out the front waving me down. He's about mid-20's, jeans and a light shirt. I usually wouldn't pick up from a place like that but he looked OK and didn't seem drunk or anything. So I stopped.

He opened the door, got in and said "G'day mate, to the city thanks."

I said "Sure" and started driving. I got out of the street and turned onto the main road, headed for the freeway. About a minute later I looked in the mirror but couldn't see him so I looked around and still couldn't see him.

I thought "Whats he doing?". I put the light on and looked behind ... no sign of him.

I stopped the car, got out and opened the back door. There was no one there, at all. I even checked in the boot.

I stood there looking back up the road, looking at the back seat ... looking back up the road ... etc. Now I'm thinking I imagined the whole thing. Its weirdness to the max.

I wasn't drinking, and I haven't been on drugs in many years. I've never had an hallucination and I'm a pretty down to earth kind of guy. I've never seen a ghost or aliens or other non-explainable stuff and I don't think I'm about to start believing that stuff either. But, did I imagine the whole thing? Did I fall asleep? Did the guy do a runner and I didn't notice?

If he'd got out I'd have noticed as the light comes on if the door is opened. Plus, he would have been just a few Kms from where I picked him up and since I hadn't stopped he'd have got out of a moving car. I think I'd have noticed.

Its got me stuffed! Not sure what to think now. I drove back down the street and I'll go back and look again tomorrow night but I don't know what I'd be looking for. Its weirdness is all. Strange things happen in the life of a taxi driver. I guess I'll just notch this one up on the list of strange stuff but its not the first time I've lost a customer, only the first time I've not been able to say where they went!

The full original thread is here .

80 now , 1.3 billion later

This weekend the Chinese authorities allowed package tourists to visit the U.K. for the first time . The trip is a whistle stop 5 day tour of the U.K. starting in London and features an itinerary more akin to a business trip .
Unfortunately for these poor bastards the t.v. and press news teams have been following them around since they arrived filming them get off their coach , check in to the hotel and generally getting in their way every time they turn up somewhere to take their snaps for the folks back home .
Perhaps not a trip to to take the mistress on !

Spiders from Mars ?

On arriving back home last week the house seems to be full of the little buggers - various shapes and sizes , falling out of clothes , on the ceiling and the floor . I suppose it's just the time of year .
The bath-tub looked like the Battle of the Somme , a great conflagration having taken place between the spiders and moths . It's impossible to see who won but I can see there were many casualties and it looks like some lost their fight for life trying to exit the battlefield (mostly the spiders).