Tits and arse
Now and again a tiny sparklet fizzles across the vacuum that currently occupies the space where my brain used to reside. It's never the genesis of a eureka moment like Newton's third law or the Archimedes Principle.
Today's spark came after being away for 2 days and drinking heavily last night into the wee hours as I mooched around the airport awaiting my flight home this evening. Was I a tit or an arse man? Told you! Of course the answer changes from day to day and whoever happens to be the unlucky recipient of my gaze at the time. The decision du jour appears to be dependant on such weighty aesthetic variables as;
- size
- presentation
- setting
onderbras sell. Which brings me on to .....presentation. Ladies, do yourself favour and get a proper fitting bra (try one back size down and a cup size up) and see what happens. Now turn sideways and adjust it properly. See, that didn't take long. I used to sell those things a long time ago. Can call out a bra size at 40 paces (or alternatively, close up with my eyes closed), a unique talent that is completely fuckin' useless to me. And buy a nice bra. Never buy a cheap bra. Same goes for matching pants (knickers, U.S. peeps) Don't buy a size too small here though or you'll separate things that just weren't meant to separated. Thongs are seldom a good choice, they don't help to shape anything. Proper pants and knickers please though not Bridget Jones'. Bums can benefit from jeans, trousers, skirts, dresses, yep anything, as long as they're a complimenting shape. If you've got a big arse wear a top or dress that narrows your waist. Keep away from baggy stuff. Same goes if you're a skinny arse too actually. Can't work out why so many women get it wrong. O.K. So now I've given you a perkier chest and rounder arse I have a dilemma. Which looks best? Actually, that's the simple one. Setting, just depends if I'm standing in front or behind.If you need free, unbiased, confidential advice on these important issues my mailbox is always open for sample photographs.
Today's entry has been sponsored by dirty old men everywhere, Gossard and Victoria's Secret.
8 comments:
Oh, shuddup, you VPL-ridden crank. Don't knock what you don't have the arse for.
Just wondering, Monty. Do you do motivational speaking? That was wonderful. I've stripped down to me smalls* in appreciation.
*demi-bra and boyshorts, thanks for asking.
Jo, they sell to women who don't look at their arse in the mirror. Or skinny thaaangs.
Swearing Lady, 153 words from me and you're down to your underwear. I think that's a record for me.
Your choice meets with my approval..... but where's the email? Hrumphh.
So bras and panties will do the trick, huh? Any suggestions on where's the best place to purchase them? Certainly not Walmart! When choosing between Victorias Secret or Frederick's...does one go for the slutty look or for the stylish, sexy look? And then maybe a few great pick-up lines...these days I need all the help I can get! I think I may have lost my pizzazz somewhere between my tits and arse!
RK, no shopping for underwear at Walmart is probably a no-no.
Woman don't need smart pick-up lines. Turning up is usually sufficient to garner male interest.
Jo, are you saying you go commando? Where's that arse pic at then?
This really is public servuce blogging.
Monty, I salute you.
I'm disappointed, Monty...thongs alleviate the curse of panty lines. Isn't that a GOOD thing?
(bra and panties always match the shirt. I'm color-coordinated, at least).
This is a fantastic post, Monty. Although, I must second what Indigo said. Unless you're going comando, or wearing thongs, even the seamless panties leave lines.
Indigo and Sarah , who cares about VPL? Don't believe the hype. Better to have a well shaped bottom and VPL than a sack of ferrets and a cheesewire up your arse-crack.
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