Friday, June 08, 2007

moving times

I'm just dropping a note to say I've moved again. Here.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

a short weight

Two routers later and I "might" have solved my connection problem. Some niggles, nothing serious. About 1.5 to 2 Mbps on the XP desktop and a mighty 4.5 to 5.5 Mbps on the Ubuntu Linux laptop.

Back to the point. These numbers are important. I am a 5'7" ish giant who weighs 82.4 Kg, 181.5 lbs or 12st 13lbs depending on where in the world you hail from. My intention in January was to lose 1lb a week for 26 weeks to be 11st (154lbs) by holiday time. Unfortunately this was unlikely to happen as I chose to do nothing that would lead to weight loss (unless you consider eating until I'm bloated/fridge empty/nauseous as being helpful). Seeing as I booked flights today for a holiday in 5 weeks time I think even 14 lbs would be pushing it but I'm all ears for techniques involving anything other than starvation or amputation.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


Am I dead? No. But my computer is, or rather my ISP.

Without wishing to bore I've been having problems with my ISP's speed and connection since they upgraded the line to ADSL2+. It seems my router is incompatible with speeds above 2Mb.
So most of my pc time has been spent fiddling.

Not content with dealing with 1 issue I ordered a replacement CPU from Thailand for my ageing pc to give it a slight performance upgrade. This involves detaching every cable connected to the motherboard and taking it out of the case to swap the CPU. Tiny static discharges will kill the motherboard/CPU so it takes care and leads only seem to like going back on to the same place they came off!

I nearly cooked the new CPU, got an alarm after rebuild which lead to auto shutdown and going into the BIOS told me the temp was 86 C after only a few seconds. After checking the leads I discovered I'd put the heat sink on 180 degrees out of sync so the CPU had nearly no contact with the thermal grease mating it to the heat sink. Anyway, 10 minutes later and all was solved.

I said I wouldn't bore you with the details. Aren't you fucking glad I didn't spill the detail on the ISP connection problem?
Don't listen to me in future.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Planets in alignment

I need to make this short. Business meeting in Edinburgh yesterday culminating in dinner in a glass boardroom on top of building directly overlooking Edinburgh Castle. Mojitos and Bisongrass followed in Tiger Lily chased by deep fried Mars bar. Back to Malmaison for a drink (or two) and bed at 2.30am.

5.20am, my alarm call to get up to catch an early flight home accompanied by my boss to spend the day doing joint meetings with him. Can you see where things might start to wrong?

It's now 5.45pm. At 7.30 I have to be at a hotel for a formal dress industry dinner (which turns into a complete piss up) and act as host to 7 guests ( 4 of which are women) including my boss.

3 hours sleep, copious amount of drink, ladies in pretty dresses and my boss. I'm fucked, aren't I?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

no tastey tastey

Do you remember when it was possible to have fun without feeling some sense of endangerment.

I wish I hadn't read this?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

tittle tattle

Breasts. Two of my favourite words, if you know what I mean. I could look at them all day. No matter how hard I try to avert my eyes they always lock on, Exocet style.

A friend of mine got a new pair last week. She's not what I'd call an attractive girl. Not ugly in any sense either, a bit too skinny perhaps. Her 34As were not doing it for her so she spent £4000 on an upgrade seeing as her marriage had just ended. Sitting out in the sun on Sunday afternoon with a few friends, all female excepting me, she unzipped her cotton jersey cardy to show the girls her new playmates and "forgot" she was just wearing a crocheted dress underneath. Her "forgetfulness" was magnified by her decision to tweak her protruding nipples before casting her gaze in my direction.

To me her 34Ds still looked like a pair of rigid porn burger baps unsympathetically highlighted by a distinct lack of cleavage, there being more resemblance to the profile of the Great Rift Valley than a Welsh one.

Ladies, don't mess with nature. Find a way to better present what you have. I'll be happy to lend a hand.

p.s. take the test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on boobs

Thursday, April 26, 2007


Time ticks by doesn't it? Been doing a bit of drifting. My declining post rate is down to work. I've been away a bit and when I've been home I've given myself more to do than previously which in turn generates more calls and ..... so the cycle escalates. It's not like I'm killing myself, I'm just finding new creative ways to spread 8 hours work over 17, who says executive training isn't effective? When will I learn?

On the good news front I got paid handsomely last week. Inland Revenue took an extremely generous slice and moved the decimal point over one place. Thanks tax-man!

Fitting into the fleeting passing interest/temporary hobby category that constitutes my life I've been dabbling with Linux again. Yes, that's me showing up on your stat-counter. I don't want to create the wrong impression here, I know nothing about it.

My next post will be about breasts though, that much I know.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Don't stare into it's eyes......

Here's a small update on the menace that has been taking over all aspects of my life over the last 2/3 years.
Don't let it's diminutive form fool you. It is evil.
It will not comply with simple requests or listen or be generally agreeable unless either
a/ a treat or
b/ Scooby-Doo are involved.
It does not like cleanliness or developing anything close to a regular sleep pattern.

It is the "Why?" machine, the most feared psychological weapon in all of Christendom. You have been warned!
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007


My Mini-me is 3. She's smart. For a three year old. Knows the alphabet, can count, write her own name but struggles with chaos theory and astro-photometry. Pffft! Slacker.

Now to the point; I am particularly glide-tastic in my movement. What I mean is I can walk into a room, stand behind someone for a couple of minutes and scare the be-Jaysus out of them when they eventually realise I'm there. So....each time I "appear" on my daughter she asks me how I do it.

Eventually one day I caved in and admitted that I just think about where I want to go, click my fingers and appear. She is convinced. 110%. "Daddy, how'd you do that? Show me!"

Yep, there's Santa and the Tooth Fairy but I'm the Daddy!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

£s and lbs

A change of job last October and some better application has seen me earn a few pounds bonus this quarter. Should get it in my pay this month so I've already made a list of things I need or want. It starts off with a new suit (or two) and finishes off with a bike, camera lens and hard drive camcorder. Obviously, although at the top of the list, the suit will be bought last, if at all.

On the subject of pounds, I've resisted fast food for a few days. Unfortunately for the previous 14 weeks I stuffed my fat face and am a fine figure of a man if your definition of such is the view at a fairground hall of mirrors. My new year goal of losing 2 stone (28lbs) by the end June is looking unrealistic. Actually getting back to 11 stone any time is probably unrealistic. But that's why the token bike is on the list. It will at least help assuage my guilt and take up the last morsel of free space in the garage thereby making it a complete no-go zone. Win, win.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

pics and sticks

The Golden Wedding Anniversary party went off without a hitch. My parents didn't have a clue until the minute they walked through the door into the room at the venue we'd hired for the day. They were instantly knocked over by the emotion. About 70 people had turned up, friends and family, and they got round them all over the following few hours.

I'd repaired old photos and blown some original wedding photos up as posters 30"x20" which were displayed around the room and made an album up of more 8"x10"s which was passed around the tables.
I thanked people for coming and my dad got up and made a short speech finishing by saying Mini-me was the love of his life. I don't think anyone had ever seen him cry before.

My lasting memory, however, is of my 8 cousins and their progeny. Someone was awfully busy with the ugly stick. Euwwwwgh!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

the office

In my job there's two things I hate. Most.

1/ people not returning calls. These are the same people who would be leaving me sharp, angry messages on my voicemail or email if the situation was reversed. " This is the 2nd time I've left a message. I'd have have thought someone would have rang me back by now..."

Is it so difficult to return a call? How can they NOT return a call after a 2nd/3rd message is left? Cunts.

2/ e-mail building up quicker than I can delete it. "Inbox" (apparently one word according to Outlook) now sitting at 148 emails, 7 reminders (some overdue by 3 weeks), 22 items unread.

And what happened to ringing people. I work from home. Fine. Doesn't mean I AM at home all day. Please read where I wrote "do not email me as I will not have access to email until tomorrow, ring me on the number below". From now on I'm going to add "you fuckwit" to the end of that line. Let's see if anyone actually reads it, eh?

3/ (OK, I said two but I got thinking...) the twats that walk you up the path, commit to giving business after months of discussion then need something urgently 10 minutes before they intend to do the deal that will require everything being dropped in an attempt to comply with their impossible request, as they tell you that if you don't get XYZ to them in ABC minutes they'll take the business to EFG company/individual.

Those fuckers should burn. Slowly. Basted in chilli sauce.

Yep, it's a good day at the office today.

Monday, March 19, 2007

old, borrowed, blue......itchy and new

Busy, busy, busy. For me anyway. I've spent the last 2 years probably working about an average of 20 hours a week. Some weeks, in the previous job, perhaps as low as 2/3 hours. Not enough sunlight I think. I'm certainly not going back on the happy pills.

Anyway, busy. That's right. Busy working, trying to earn a few grand bonus money for the first time in 2 years, looking good so far. Quarter ends at the end of March so we''ll see what's in by then.

Busy scanning old photos and trying to restore some. My parents celebrate their golden wedding anniversary next Sunday and I plan to blow up some old pics I've borrowed from them. A party is arranged for them and, though a secret, they may have already guessed as we arranged one for their ruby anniversary 10 years ago.

For some reason I got quite emotional on Saturday when playing with mini-me. Got to wondering what she would remember of me if something happened to me. How would she grow up if I wasn't around, that sort of thing. It was just after I'd found what had been causing the itching under my right arm the last 2 or 3 weeks, some patches of uneven discoloured skin. I don't think it's anything to worry about, though I did for a few hours. Obviously I'm not going to go to the doctor's. Anyway, here's an old one.

Sunday, March 11, 2007


Been in Dublin again this weekend. No rugby this time. Food, drink.

Since getting the train home I've needed a 3 hour coma already.

Much sleep needed. Laters.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Lurgy a go-go

I have a retentive streak that makes it hard to throw things away. What if I find out I later need it? Even years afterwards. So I hoard, re-organise, make that decision over and over as time goes by, throw it out or keep? A never ending cycle.

My office has piles of paperwork, cupboards and boxes of articles, cds or magazines I've never re-used, though thought I might, now out-dated because of legislation or simply the passage of time.
I'm the same with the contents of my fridge. A sell by/use by date means nothing. It'll be nuked, stir-fried, boiled so surely that renders it safe, it'll taste OK, not perfect but OK. I hate waste when it comes to food.

Yesterday I made a stir fry. King prawns, yellow pepper, sweetcorn, broccoli cooked in groundnut oil, seasoned with garlic, grated ginger and lemon grass and topped off with an over generous dose of bird's eye chillies. Add some egg fried rice at the end and serve. Yummy! The prawns were 3 days past. I made more than I could eat and forgot to put the remainder away but had it today for lunch reheated in the wok. Yummy twice!

This evening however retention caught up with me. Think Johnny Cash.