Yawn

Been in Dublin again this weekend. No rugby this time. Food, drink.

Since getting the train home I've needed a 3 hour coma already.

Much sleep needed. Laters.

My book

When I get time, which might be around Christmas but could be two weeks, I'm going to write a book.

Advance copies of "Imploding with style but not necessarily dignity" can be purchased via credit card and Paypal.

'Til then....

Help yourself

Anyone want to join me for a drink? Help yourself to the contents of the drinks cupboard and fridge.

And bring me that bottle of whine.

just click

Not related to my previous entry but I saw this and had to stick it up here.

Click me

Bursting my balloon

That's what I need to do. Here or elsewhere. Stay tuned.

8 from 3

**

For reasons that are completely beyond my control (like greed and discipline) my healthy eating splurge never got beyond a fortnight and lip service (and I don't mean the Asian "happy ending" lip service either). This means that as of Sunday I still had 11 pounds to lose. Due to buying an MP3 player (which, after 3 days, is already on it's way back to the supplier, but that's another story) I did, for the first time in years, manage to go for a short run in Parliament grounds near my house which had the astonishing effect (coupled with reasonably sensible eating) of raising my metabolism for sufficiently long to lop another 3 pounds off. Three weeks left. Hence 8 from 3. Is it feasible to lose 8+ pounds in the remaining 3 weeks or should I just accept man-breasts and faux pregnancy for yet another holiday album?


** This may or may not be an accurate representation of how I currently look.

Find me

I'm hardly elusive. But if you did want to find me here's a few tips.

• I'm the man in the checkout queue behind the old biddy who has waited for three customers to pay before opening her purse and then start counting the exact amount in coppers.
• I'm the man who excitedly opens up his latest purchase when he gets home only to find something's falling off, it's broken, stained or damaged. Always.
• I'm the man who phoned you but you couldn't hear me (see above).
• I'm the man who's just arrived late (everywhere).
• I'm the man who's just waited 20 minutes at the bar being ignored by the bar staff as walk-ins walk away arms full of drinks and.....
• when I did eventually get served got half a pint of Guinness spilled on my crotch.
• I'm the man swearing at the computer.
  
• I'm the man who's drunk.
  

Fun

Wake up, do some work, take some grief , deal with arseholes, suffer a bit of rejection, eat, sleep. Rinse, repeat ad nauseam.
How do you get through when life just seems an interminable grind. When ups are short lived and few and far between. When normality feels like an ever lasting bout of the shits interspersed at random with unanaesthetised tooth pulling. Fun, with an f.

I wish I'd worked harder when I was smart. I wish I'd taken more chances when I could afford to. Now I wish I'll buy the winning lottery ticket.

Perhaps I need to get healthy again. Perhaps it's just the after effects of too long a day in London yesterday. Perhaps I need a little luck. Something needs to change. I need to change. I can't keep living with that little f.

Gourmet de Feu

I'll eat practically anything. At least have a go. Things like... dulse, a local seaweed. Fried chilli crickets. Whole dried squid. So having no cooker (due to a defective gas plumber, when I do see him,and I will, I'm going to show him a new technique for bending pipe) I bought a fuck-off BBQ. Proper no holds barred lean mean grillin' machine, hood, temp guage, flame deflection screens, electronic ignition, 16 speaker car stereo.... you know what I mean. For the first day or two I could've burnt an ice-cube. Now, I am the Gourmet de Feu. Perfect fillet or sirloin? No problem, give me 5 minutes. Char grilled peppers & veg? Piece of piss. Honeyed pork ribs, mmm, be right up. In short, dinner is a breeze. Dishes require less preparation and cooking time than a Member of Parliament needs to pick up a rent boy on Hampstead Heath. Allbeit the local weather means that sometimes a Sou' wester is needed to brave the elements at meal times. Breakfast, however, has been a bit of an obstacle so far but one that I am keen to overcome. This morning I am about to try wok cooked scrambled egg which will accompany grilled honey cured thick sliced bacon, vine tomatoes, large cap mushrooms and anything else suitable I can think of.

Table for two?

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wtf ? what's happened to my pics ?

Just discovered my pictures in the last 3 blog entries are cropped when viewed in Internet Explorer - I use Firefox browser , and have been trying to make my space as similar as possible when viewed in both , more or less successfully .

If anyone knows why the pictures are cropped or knows a workaround please let me know .
Of course if you use Firefox you're seeing everything including the one where I'm standing naked in the corner .

update .......

Ahhhh , fixed it !

I need a holiday

Why is it sooo bad to get back home ?

Arrived back in the early hours , got to do the inevitable and ring in to work now and discover what fuck-ups occurred in my absence .

Can't find my car keys .

I have a feeling I will be playing catch-up all day .

Will post something later and hopefully will have some photos uploaded by then .

" Our survey said ..... "

Part 3 will be along soon .

During the interlude patrons are requested to take a moment to complete some fun polls and surveys in the aptly named " current polls " list to your right .

Thank-you .

a big thank-you .

thanks for all the " useful " suggestions .

i have decided to take responsibility for the problem myself . what was i thinking delegating the decision to a load of nerdy old hags like you lot .

junq suggests " pink porn " ( more lips than hips ! )

lisa suggests a coffee in edinburgh ( i know what " coffee " means in womanspeak ! )

cheezmo suggests nothing ( we're all in the same boat apparently ! )

mizzvee suggests buying porn but with my other hand then later picking up a loose crab invested tramp

deadites suggests i do a spot of solar system feng shui or check my point on the cycle

it's nice to know that when you're really " in need " your blog friends come to your aid .

i'm stropping off for a man-huff now !!

choose the one on the right !

WHOOPS !!

just realised i went away for a few days and didn't leave a note .

sorry , will get back to normal soon .

p.s. and why am i so f-ing horny at the moment ? comments and suggestions would be welcome on this subject .

technology hates me !!

i'm getting a bit paranoid .

in the last few weeks i've had problem after problem with nearly ever piece of technological apparatus i touch . such as .....

my handsfree car kit stopped working

my computer started freezing and had to be shut down

my firewall gave me false e-bay password sending alerts

my new work laptop can't connect except through a lan cable

my new car had it's car phone kit installed and it doesn't work

my new broadband business line won't work

my laptop can't open word documents

my pen drive caused my computer to reboot

this doesn't happen to everybody , or does it ?