2006 - A Spaces Odyssey

What a week of technofuckery. My car keeps having a flat battery and popping the boot lid open. The new business line at my new house, well even the phone company can't work out what's happened here but it goes along the lines (ha ha, oh all right!) of them activating a line on one exchange and erecting a pole connected to another exchange. Even I know that's not going to work. Someone was supposed to be here on Thursday to fit the junction box inside the house. Do I have to tell you? Good. But if he had it would have been fun to watch him try to work out why the damn thing wasn't connecting. To add insult to injury they delivered a phone book to me on that day.

Back to the car. They discovered what I had suspected which was a current drain on the battery from a component. A "module" (I believe this is the generic name they give to something they don't themselves understand) which apparently controlled everything including Tower Bridge, the Hubble Space Telescope and a cigarette machine in a nearby bar, had decided to turn into HAL. This would therefore explain why I lit up like a fucking Christmas tree after being in the car for even just a few seconds. 5000 volts needed to produce a blue coloured spark apparently - I kid you not. Still, they seem convinced it's fixed even though I can still light a fine Cuban cigar off the static discharges. No doubt I'll soon find out on a morning when HAL is telling me it's 1 degree - the sadistic, narky silicon fucker.