Vweewy wucky

Being an accidental parent as I am I'm still not completely used to being a daddy. I love seeing my daughter learn things, especially things I have taught or shown her. It's a very warm feeling. I love her smiles and her enthusiasm for the world and the looks she gives me and I especially love her funny little Elmer Fudd voice.
Right now I'd settle for her staying just as she is.


p.s. when searching for Elmer Fudd pics I ran into this. Google must be a good place to work.

Dearly beloved....

About to change job as I am I'm wrestling with what I should use the next 2 to 4 weeks wind-down time doing. I've thought about clearing my office and getting it proper business like for the new job, doing some electrical and decorating work around the house and clearing all the hedges and shrubs I don't like from the garden. Yawn. They're not getting your juices going either I see. What's a man to do with 4 weeks on his hands that'll make a difference to the world, leave a mark, a permanent reminder that I was here, that I was worth something (first one to say delusions of grandeur signs their own death warrant).

So.... I've come to the obvious conclusion that it would be a good idea for me to start a new religion. A cult if you must. A misspelling if you insist.

I need a bit of help though. Some other bored buggers have got in ahead of me and have pillars and commandments and the like. We (yes, you're invited) need to come up with some original rules and practices we can base our religion on (and that we can live by without making too much effort).

So, on you go then.

Something to play with

Borrowed from Blunt Cogs.

Move your mouse and go to "more".

2 what-ifs, no weddings and (nearly) a funeral

A forty-eight hour trip to London is hazardous to your health. Life threatening even. Let me explain.

It all started when I was driving to the airport. I was just in the process of turning off a roundabout to throw my car into a private car park opposite the airport when a bus bombed through without seeing me. I managed to get stopped just in time. Had I assumed he would've/should've seen me I'd have had 17 tons of metal to play with. I think it's safe to say I might have got hurt. Thirty seconds later I'm dropping my keys off and contemplating the what ifs. That lasts for most of my journey.
Five and a half hours later I emerge from the Tube network to commence my two days in London. I'm getting better at it. Not afraid to get the bus now. Know how to get to some places. Well, as long as some kindly soul has given me chapter and verse on the directions/changes etc. but the guy I usually go over to see lives on a main bus route. It's a piece of piss and bus stops are right outside his front door. So, a quick freshen up and off we go. Pills and drink. Drink and pills. Three hours a night sleep but only if absolutely necessary. Plenty of craic. Visits to illegal 24 hours off-licences, you know how it goes.

Fast forward. Return trip home. Flight delayed. Flight takes off and gets to within 3 minutes and 1000 feet of landing. Pilot applies full throttle and sends us sharply skyward again. He bing-bongs to tell us that "we" have a problem with the brakes. He fancies flying around for a bit "to do some tests" (like Mr T used to say "I ain't no fool", he's going to dry off his seat, calm himself the fuck down and try to take us in again when 1./ he's stopped shaking 2./ the fire appliances have been scrambled 3./ we have less burny liquids on board). It gave me my 2nd what if moment of the weekend. As I'd already done my homework on Friday I settled down to scrolling through my MP3 player for what might be my last song - a nine minute version of How soon is now by The Smiths.

So despite my best efforts,the efforts of bus drivers and aeroplane captains, I'm still here. Well, for another week anyway.

Short

Spent this week trying to cough my lungs inside out. Nearly succeeded.

Still off the smokes. Want one badly (purely medicinal to help the cough).

Who am I?

Thanks to my blog friend Sarah I came across this site that shows your celebrity lookalikes.

Shy as I am I've left my moniker out but apparently these are the celebs I'm most similar to.

What the fuck? OK. I can understand Stephen Chow (whoever that is). I must've been smiling a bit too Chinesely in the pic I submitted but Tom Yorke??? Even on a Sunday morning after 2 hrs sleep and an indulgent Saturday night full of vices I don't look like that bag 'o spanners.

So there you are. I am approximately 65% to 72% of the above. Scary.



Update - ran Mini-me's pic through it.

Now, the more observant among you will notice that my daughter's supposed to look reasonably Japanese, with a smattering of Shirley Temple, Tyra Banks and Wacko.

I'm going for a paternity test.

London calling

Next weekend I'm popping over to see a friend and help him celebrate his birthday. I've been quite a few times over the years, seldom lately though. My current job was supposed to take me to London on a regular basis but that never materialised and the city's still a big mystery to me. I had intended to meet a fellow blogger (now ex blogger) last year but couldn't get a date organised that suited for work and childcare etc. Anyway, I'd probably have made an arse of myself. Back to London. If I move around it in daylight, with a map and plenty of time I can manage to get lost only once every 30 minutes or so. A proper result. Don't ask me which Tube stations link with other lines and stuff like that. As I'm colour blind the Tube map makes no sense to me. It's like spaghetti with name tags. Buy a day ticket and be loose on meeting times. That's the way to do it. For most places public transport is quite good, though can be slow, slower if you get the wrong Tube or bus. Essential if you're injured. Last time I was there I was in Camberwell and the three of us who were meeting stood at a bar like a human three legged stool and, without moving for six hours, talked bollocks to each other while drinking double vodkas with shot chasers. Needless to say I acquired an injury on the walk home from the bar. So next weekend when you're drawing the curtains and turning out the lights think of me and my walnut sized liver fruitlessly trying to process drugs and alcohol at a rate that will keep me out of hospital.

Insomnia

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Late to bed, early to rise. Broken sleep. Weird dreams. Pains in the chest.

I'm contemplating a job move. Harder work, much bigger challenge, potential of more money. About £30k more than I can currently earn where I am. There are some very big "ifs" that come along with it. It'll be shit or bust. I'm stagnating where I am.

Hot, hot, hot

Two Sundays ago I stopped smoking, except for a 10 pack bought on a drinking spree last Saturday night. Regretted next day of course. I intend to stay off them though I've been an on and off smoker from day to day, week to week for years. One of the things I notice , but is becoming more obvious, is that when I stop my body warms up. All my extremities seem to be getting more blood all of a sudden, my feet and hands feel like they're radiating heat. I believe I have in fact become a thermo-nuclear device. Now, that has to be good. Even if it means I now contravene the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

I don't care, impose sanctions on me all you want I'm not going back on the weed again. And, I'm going to save a fortune on heating costs this winter.

i c u

I used to get lots of visits from various cities in China. I think they've unGoogled me now. I had a visit a couple of days ago from somwhere in West Africa. Nigerian scammers no doubt. And not so long ago The Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea (that's the undemocratic North Korea to you and me) and even Saudi Arabia last week. I get occasional visits from the police, hi coppers (though strangely from London, not where I live), somebody who claimed to be a spy and then of course there's the usual bunch of misfits who leave comments. Annoyingly I still get comment spam even though I've got the word verification activated. I'll have to shoot those fuckers. They just won't take a hint. But isn't this clever .....I'm so impressed with those Google people. Now, when should I put the multi-lingual ads up?

Missing, presumed dead.

Somewhere between the turn of the millennium and now I lost my Mojo. It didn't happen on any specific day or because of any particular thing happening. It just went. I've tried looking for it but no matter how hard I look I can't seem to find it. I'd love to get enthused about being enthusiastic. But I can't.

Ubuntu, free and easy.... ish.

As you're aware I've been playing with an Open Source Linux operating system called Ubuntu. What with Windows going all "Windows Genuine Advantage" and Vista going ... who knows, well, I thought I should take a look at some Linux flavours again.
So here's a brief synopsis for those of you willing to dip your toe in the water.
I've assumed the reader knows nothing so don't take offence if you know this already.
The main reasons to go with an Open Source OS are

1/ it's free
2/ it's more secure than Windows and generally you won't need an anti-virus or firewall
3/ it comes complete with mail client, web browsers etc.etc.

Users can have both Linux and Windows operating on the same p.c.. This is referred to as "dual boot" as you will be given a choice at start-up in the black BIOS boot screen as to which OS you want to boot into every time you turn the p.c. on.
You can order a CD of the complete Ubuntu OS for the price of postage/free or download it from here. It's a big file, 700MB.
New users can run what's called a "live session" meaning try out Ubuntu without it being permanently installed. This gives you an idea of how it looks and feels, try before you buy.
All the instructions for installing etc. are on help pages like this. It's pretty idiot proof. You should defragment your hard drive before installing to tidy your hard drive up. This page probably has the best install instructions I've seen along with pics of what you'd expect to see at each step.
Ubuntu has been set up to detect just about all your drivers and attached devices on start-up. Linux has come a long, long way and it's fairly much plug'n'play now with the exception of wireless. A hard wired LAN connection is no problem though so it'll probably be completely painless for you to put on your main p.c. for a trial run. Lots of help is available.
Ubuntu comes complete with loads of software on the install disc/download that will duplicate the functionality of the Windows programs you're familiar with. You can also download a Linux program called Automatix that will download and install a lot of useful plug-ins and media codecs automatically.
For Windows programs that you don't want to give up there are emulator programs that act as go betweens and should allow the Windows software to run under Linux fairly well.

Of course there are other flavours of Linux. Here's another, Linspire, that's supposed to be a dawdle do set up.