2 what-ifs, no weddings and (nearly) a funeral

A forty-eight hour trip to London is hazardous to your health. Life threatening even. Let me explain.

It all started when I was driving to the airport. I was just in the process of turning off a roundabout to throw my car into a private car park opposite the airport when a bus bombed through without seeing me. I managed to get stopped just in time. Had I assumed he would've/should've seen me I'd have had 17 tons of metal to play with. I think it's safe to say I might have got hurt. Thirty seconds later I'm dropping my keys off and contemplating the what ifs. That lasts for most of my journey.
Five and a half hours later I emerge from the Tube network to commence my two days in London. I'm getting better at it. Not afraid to get the bus now. Know how to get to some places. Well, as long as some kindly soul has given me chapter and verse on the directions/changes etc. but the guy I usually go over to see lives on a main bus route. It's a piece of piss and bus stops are right outside his front door. So, a quick freshen up and off we go. Pills and drink. Drink and pills. Three hours a night sleep but only if absolutely necessary. Plenty of craic. Visits to illegal 24 hours off-licences, you know how it goes.

Fast forward. Return trip home. Flight delayed. Flight takes off and gets to within 3 minutes and 1000 feet of landing. Pilot applies full throttle and sends us sharply skyward again. He bing-bongs to tell us that "we" have a problem with the brakes. He fancies flying around for a bit "to do some tests" (like Mr T used to say "I ain't no fool", he's going to dry off his seat, calm himself the fuck down and try to take us in again when 1./ he's stopped shaking 2./ the fire appliances have been scrambled 3./ we have less burny liquids on board). It gave me my 2nd what if moment of the weekend. As I'd already done my homework on Friday I settled down to scrolling through my MP3 player for what might be my last song - a nine minute version of How soon is now by The Smiths.

So despite my best efforts,the efforts of bus drivers and aeroplane captains, I'm still here. Well, for another week anyway.