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it's amazing how much " stuff " i collect . i made a concious effort a few years ago to cut down on all the memorabilia i used to hoard everything from . concert tickets , boarding passes from past holidays , birthday cards and xmas cards from significant people or times , every type of electrical connection lead and adapter you could name - try me . i had so much that i merely whittled it down to the most important " stuff " . but i thought i'd share some of the more quirky or stupid ones when i was clearing my other house out today in preparation for some building work . i'll put more on each day time permitting and some photos ( there were tons ) as i scan them in . there was an envelope containing every flyer , receipt and tourist guide from my first holiday to the carribean including a small (A5 size ) in-flight brochure from mustique airways ( i know , i know , i'm a bloody name dropper ) . i think the brochure was so small because the plane only had about 8 seats and everything had to be scaled down . the stewardess had to be only 5 ' tall and even she couldn't stand up . i could see the flight instruments as i was sitting right over the pilot's shoulder . but it reminded me of that flight at dawn over a clear blue ocean in a cloudless sky and the straw woven basket being handed round with the small tetrapak cubes of soft drink in lieu of cabin service and landing on the only runway i've seen to run steeply uphill at one end . apparently it's the only way planes can be guaranteed to land and take off on the island . i remember getting off the plane and walking over to the arrivals terminal , a building that was only 20' by 10' built entirely from bamboo - the customs officer who stamped my passport also stamped books as his kiosk was the library too ! or eating breakfast just after arrival on basil's restaurant built out on stilts just above the reef , watching shoals of amazing tropical fish swimming around . of course you can't keep these things for ever and today reminded me that i remember it all anyway so it's ok to throw this junk out . just the motivation i need to go out and earn some money as i begin my job proper tomorrow . some links to help explain ...... http://www.scubamom.com/grenadines/mustique/ http://www.usual-suspects-sailing.com/exp-grenadines-mustique.htm
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having just spent a night drinking in my old local i have come to the conclusion that i may be stuck in ground hog day or at least that bar / town is . perhaps it's the same for you . I'll explain what i mean . when i arrived i found there were some friends there and some, better to call them , acquaintances . one such acquaintance " o " who is an artist was busy chatting to another acquaintance " m " . as the night progressed i learnt from the mutual friends that " o " was shagging " m " ( he's always been that discrete ) who is the girlfriend of another artist " i " , also a friend of " o " . now i suspected that their relationship was slightly open , let's say i thought the door was slightly ajar but i never expected the door was loosely attached to the frame hanging by one noisy rusty old hinge . and being as "o " is Mr shout-it-from-the-hills on the old sexual liaison front his relationship may end up ending up sooner than he thinks . it's not very often i'm in that bar now , although it used to be my haunt every friday / saturday night because you could always be sure of bumping into someone you knew . so who should arrive in but " s " who has spent most of his adult years living with tribes people in India and Pakistan close to the kyber pass . i didn't even recognise him at first . he was the pretty boy at school and we all wanted to sleep with his older sister . but now he looks about 10 years older than he actually is and has the teeth of a chain smoking 70 yr old bare fisted boxer . still , like i said , this place always draws them back again . and then there was the girl who was the girlfriend of a brother of one of my old neighbours - mad Kenny i called him ( there's a clue in the name ) . i remember being invited over for a drink by him late one night and she was in the house with him and his girlfriend . his girlfriend went to bed leaving the 3 of us . then Kenny started getting twitchy . it was clear he had an eye for her and didn't like me being there getting on with her . anyway i left but said i'd be up for a while if she fancied some drinks and that i'd leave my door open . so sure enough she arrived over . damn , she looked fine . in the morning she left by the side gate so that he wouldn't see her .now i hadn't seen her from that day and on the one night i go back to that town there she is in the bar . so yeah , ground hog day i think .
found a , how can i describe this , unusual msn space and thought i'd share it .
so click here
ooops ! first proper day working and did it go well ? mmmmm , let me think about that . it started of with a teleconference @ 8.30 except i got into the shower @ 8.25 . so a very quick shower , shave and the rest ( obviously no time for a w ) and i got my earpiece in ( which i couldn't find ) at about 8.34 . joined the assembled telemasses and made my apologies . realised during the teleconf that i had a text message saying the 9.30 apointment was moved forward to 9.00 - shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit . so i wouldn't be making that then . rearranged morning quickly while still on teleconf . had my breakfast and ironed a shirt and got dresssed still on the handsfree ( that was me crunching and russling guys ) . postponed the pee . got to 9.45 and my battery gave out ( which would then give a " .... has left the teleconference " meassage to all the others ) . couldn't rejoin it as had to be somewhere at 10.30 and had to refuel on the way . got in car and got a call saying 10.00 call was not going to happen . went back home to charge phone and get laptop logged on to download work email ( of which there is a shitload - technical term ) . laptop would not connect . spent 2 hrs on to I.T. and came to the conclusion one of us was an idiot . still unresolved . mobile battery flat again . went to a call @ 12.15 - moved forward from 1.00 . productive , except i got a call from the car dealership telling me the new car , due in today , has missed the boat and was likely to miss the boat tomorrow and the next day ( how can they see the future better than mystic meg or russell grant ? ) . still , it should be ready for me by friday when i get home again from my travels . went home again and chased my dialing problem with the head I.T. honcho . good use of time . got a temporary work around sorted which involved me connecting the laptop to my home network wireless router , but using a LAN cable .( don't worry if you didn't understand that bit ) . day over . hadn't time to make my apologies to my boss for getting cut off in the morning and didn't pick up a formal suit for the dinner on wednesday ( i fly out 7.00 am wednesday morning ! ) . so , it can only get better tomorow ? - except i have to be in the city in the morning and the snow is lying already tonight and i'm supposed to be waiting in the house all day for the office equipment to be delivered . now where's that time management book again ?
you think i'm talking about celeb ( are there any ? ) big brother - no , i mean the real life one . the one where you find out the place you now work wants to control your waking moments and some of the others too . for example, " mobile phone policy " which i was directed to last week " to make personal calls on a company mobile you should use an asterisk after the dialled number ..... " - this means these calls can be segmented on the bill and itemised and stick out like a sore thumb thereby allowing big brother security dept 107 A to a.) chase you for the cost b.) tally this up with ........ ....the activity management report " which enables the company to correlate various types of activity to productivity and will therefore help you to monitor which activity is the most profitable use of your time " . i.e. tell them what you are doing during the hours they feel they are paying you for , like making calls , appointments , time travelling , lunch , entertaining etc etc . i feel this is only the tip of the iceberg . hard drives are duplicated ( apparently to ensure no data loss ) internet and intranet activity is tracked to see what areas i visit and they are about to issue me with a 3g card ( and i get the feeling that might come with an optional service to triangulate where i am ) . maybe i'm just getting paranoid . i've also been given a copy of the highway code ( send that out to the dottery old bastards with flat caps who get in my way ) and a laminated card to keep in the car with " what to do in the event of an accident " . i already know what to do in the event of an accident - make your excuses , put a bit of toilet roll down your cacs to prevent further leakage and avoid public transport on the way home . so big brother , channel 4 stylee . i've seen some of this late at night after my hotel networking . complete crap , apart from john mc crirrick . bez ? he was " the dancer " in the happy mondays i think . is it just me or is he really that thick and vacuous . and why are his eyes so close together . he couldn't possibly have the proper stereoscopic vision of his fellow primates - must walk into doors all the time and drop things a lot . mrs stallone , well if ever you girls needed a lesson in what happens when aquired unearned wealth meets the surgeons knife ....... she used to be dead , right ? but she isn't the worst in this dept . for that you've got to go here and check out the bookmarks on the right hand side . you've got kylie , christina , natalie , donatella , courtney , paris , oh and one for the lads . now if those breasts look good i'm jackie stallone .
hi all , one week of mind-numbing training/induction ( corprate stereotyping ) later and i'm ready to be put down . i'm exhausted listening to people all day in series of presentations , some of which were of no relevance to me , most of which were delivered by the mono-tone voice of mesmer ( yes, i did nod off several times ........each day ) . and don't even get me started on the facilitator ..... ( think matthew kelly but more camp ) i'm just way too worn out now to go into detail but i'll fill you in as soon as i've got the essentials organised ( fresh food in fridge , washed all clothes , suit sent to the dry cleaners etc ) . got to ge ready for more days in the airport next week and the week after . as you can guess i didn't have access to the www so no new blog entries for me and i couldn't even check out my favs ! and on a ( temporarily ) final note my car got delayed with ships not running and what-not . looks like possible delivery next friday when i get back from bonnie scotland . also , have to source a kilt for a formal dinner in glasgow on wednesday . hmmmmmmm.
i have been very bad lately . i haven't been doing a blog entry every day , although i have been reading my favs and leaving the odd comment . i could make excuses like i've just started my new job this week and been away for part of the time or that i've been very unwell - black plague tinged with a spot of dengue fever and ebola - but .... in fact forget the but , i've just done it . so what i'm trying to say in a very longwinded ( getting windier all the time ) and round-about ( are you getting dizzy ? ) way is that i'm sorry for the lack of new stuff . * takes a big deep breathe * trouble is , i'm going to be away with my new job for some essential training all next week and although they're going to give me a new laptop it will probably be configured to block msn and / or track where i've been . you're ahead of me now . let me catch up . so , you might not get any new blog entries from me next week . * hopes to hear a pin drop but instead just hears the sound of several doors closing * i will , if possible keep you posted but in the meantime i'd be greatful if you you could just all talk amongst yourselves via my comments section and that'll give me something to read when i get back .
or , alternatively , me being completely self-absorbed you can click here to see which company car i've finally chosen . except of course i've went for black in the sport variant , and the 16 spoke 18 " wheels . and yes i do think i'm a lucky bastard .
oh , and here's a game to play with your mates , or better still your workplace smartass .
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i have been very bad lately . i haven't been doing a blog entry every day , although i have been reading my favs and leaving the odd comment . i could make excuses like i've just started my new job this week and been away for part of the time or that i've been very unwell - black plague tinged with a spot of dengue fever and ebola - but .... in fact forget the but , i've just done it . so what i'm trying to say in a very longwinded ( getting windier all the time ) and round-about ( are you getting dizzy ? ) way is that i'm sorry for the lack of new stuff . * takes a big deep breathe * trouble is , i'm going to be away with my new job for some essential training all next week and although they're going to give me a new laptop it will probably be configured to block msn and / or track where i've been . you're ahead of me now . let me catch up . so , you might not get any new blog entries from me next week . * hopes to hear a pin drop but instead just hears the sound of several doors closing * i will , if possible keep you posted but in the meantime i'd be greatful if you you could just all talk amongst yourselves via my comments section and that'll give me something to read when i get back .
or , alternatively , me being completely self-absorbed you can click here to see which company car i've finally chosen . except of course i've went for black in the sport variant , and the 16 spoke 18 " wheels . and yes i do think i'm a lucky bastard .
oh , and here's a game to play with your mates , or better still your workplace smartass .
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i read in a paper at the airport the other day that former pop princess britney spears " gives her fans the opportunity " to pay c. $575 dollars for her autograph . that got me thinking . no , i'm not talking about such weighty issues as
a. ) would you give her one
b. ) is she finished
there's room for debate there on both those subjects and if i discussed them i'd end up with a comments list ( particularly for b. ) that would never end and would be filled with the worldy opinions of hundreds of 10 yr old girls telling me what a bad man i was and making such intellectual arguments as ........." well , i fink britney is bril " and " britney is better than christina cos ... " so here's the rub , britney at the age of 20 something , 21 is it ? is worth an estimated $ 100 million + , and having had her loyal , mostly sub teenage fans spend disproportionate amounts of their pocket money on full price singles , cds and other miscellaneous merchandise she now repays them by giving them this generous opportunity . how magnanimous britney . so i suppose when she buys a meal in a restaurant and uses her credit card she deducts the price of the meal from her autograph fee and then waits for the waiter to bring her the balance . hmmmmm . she may be smarter than she seems . ( i have an opinion that she's disingenuous , tries to come across as interesting , interested and caring but is such a poor actor/ salesperson that she can only fool 10 yr olds with that cutesy girl talk ) . she also has no vocal range , sings through her nose and can't sing live .
am i being harsh here ?
i'm sorry , i just don't like her ( except in that " toxic " video where she does have a very sexy walk ! )
anyway , good luck to her with her autograph charging , but i'll take a bet with anyone that she'll be reported as being pregnant by the end of 2005 .
* checks article for anything libelous *
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i took a short shopping break to top up on my vittles - more on that later on in the week .( and give me a break on reading up on the new job ) . it was a bad idea , i would go as far as saying it's the worst idea i've had so far this year . the place was packed , not enough tills open and was full of stupid old women with no sense of balance or direction who kept launching themselves ( usually 2 at a time ) in front of my hand selected , no-sticky-wheels trolley . now i know they've got to shop sometime , but they've got all week , why today . they couldn't possibly be out of horlicks ,incontinence pants and freeze dried egg powder already . not only that but they take up all the diasbled parking spaces close to the door . and they talk about the older generation being an example to us . hmmmmph . not only that but everyone was staring at me , especially the eye candy , which made me a bit paranoid . could i look that strange , had i forgotten something or had i left the house with my flies undone again , or worse was my wanger hanging out ? so , i did what any man would do and rushed around , jumped a queue and got the hell outa there as fast as i could . now that i'm home though i've had a chance to check the mirror and i think i've seriously fucked up . even if i do say so myself , i'm looking damned handsome today - in a rugged ugly kind of way . i think i've let slip this year's first joey tribiani moments " how yooooou doin' ? " i'm coming down with some dreaded lurgy . i normally have a cold or flu over xmas , but for some reason ( perhaps because i refuse to get stressed out by work anymore ) i haven't had one for that last 2 years , until now that is . the onset started as soon as i got up , a rough tickly throat , quickly followed by the sticcato cough and the shivers . somehow my body thinks it's 40 below and even a jacket and central heating can't change it's mind . looks like an interesting start to my new job , a runny nose , 2 red lines of scaley cracked skin either side of it , puffy bloodshot eyes and the patience of a cat with chilli paste on it's ring .
what do you need to do to get your space noticed ?
i thought i'd give this some thought as this is a fledgling community only in the first phase of evolution and as such , the statistics show that only 40 % of bloggers update their blog weekly , even less daily . this is probably due to a number of reasons , not least the fact the many people become disheartened that no-one is reading their handiwork and wonder if their time might be better spent elsewhere .
most of what i'm going to write is common sense , however read on as i'm sure you'll find some useful items that maybe hadn't previously occured to you .
general
1. complete a new entry daily - your space will therfore come up in the " updated spaces box " on most bloggers spaces and on the msn spaces homepage .
2. post a blog early in the morning - that way more people will have an opportunity to see and comment on it .
3. allow comments to be left by anyone (by ticking the allow comments box under "blog settings" ) .
4. each comment that is left by someone pushes your blog back onto the "updated spaces list " hence the importance of the above .
5. if you don't have the time to compose a new blog entry in the morning pre - compose your entry and save it as a draft . it then only takes a few seconds to post the draft as your new entry the next morning .
6. make the content intersting or humourous ( i know this is obvious but how many msn spaces have you already come across with the first line " i'm bored " or "don't know what to write " .
7. place a link on your blog to messagecast alerts ( click on the name to go there ) - which emails or instant messengers your readers when you have updated or changed your blog . for example to get automatic alerts when this space is updated go to the top right of this space , click on the link and follow the instructions ( takes <> so that's all pretty straighforward isn't it . for anyone that's intersted i've also put together some links to search engines and rss aggregators so that your msn space blog will have a better chance of coming up in a web search . oh , and first day of the new job went nice n easy which was good as i'm really feeling like death with the lurgy now .
2005 - a new year and a natural break , a line in the sand for this blog . what do i mean ? i'm new to blogging - thank-you msn for making this idiot proof ( but fix support for multi tabbed browsers like avant and firefox ! ) - so that even a non tech muppet like me can get in on the action , i have been trying my little heart out over the last 3 ? weeks to learn from others and make this a place where people might like to visit . so now , 3 weeks in , i'm going to make some changes - and i need your help . what would you like to see included ? are the coulours , theme , layout wrong ? what do you think is a waste of space ? are there too many / not enough links ? do you have any suggestions ? do you enjoy reading my entries ? ( ok i put that one in to get my ego stroked ! ) comments below please and .... thanks
no , not me ! i haven't even made any . but everywhere around the world there are people who's bright new dawn of good intentions crashed and burned immediately after take-off . sort of like the phoenix rising from the ashes and then saying " fuck this " just set fire to me again please . you see that's the thing about new year's resolutions , they're all smoke and mirrors , there is no substance to them , they are always still-born . people who couldn't plan a takeaway meal sit down and think just because they have a thought that the thought will miraculously come real , breathe life into itself without any help or encouragement from them and that their life will be transformed . " welcome to the 2nd of january - excuse me is that your bubble which just burst ? " . what we should say around the end of the year is - have you made a wish yet ? ( that would be a bit more honest wouldn't it ) . a resolution is something that you resolve to do , which to me means determination , planning , etc. which is what i'm just about to do ....... * (parks very tall horse and walks into the saloon ) *
