the dentist's chair

went to the dentist's today . so what ! you say . well i was lying there waiting for my mouth to be pulled into the usual collection of random oval shapes , as you do , when gazing up i thought how long i'd been coming there . it's been almost 40 years . same dentist - well not quite - but the same waiting room , same industrial quality brown carpet with black gaffer tape covering the threadbare bits , same naff pictures on the wall ( that wouldn't look out of place in a swinging 70 s movie , you know the ones with funky muzak and and huggy bear types in flares ) and of course the same seat . the seat didn't really bother me even though it was hard and the 2 head restraints either side just seemed to clamp my ears like a torture chamber vice . it was that light . the one that with 4 different lenses , 1 plain glass , 1 full of ever increasing circles like waves in a pond , 1 frosted glass and then finally the one i could never work out . the one with cracked frosted lens . unbelievably it's been cracked for the 35 years or so i can remember going there . the surgery was set up by 2 dentists just out of dental school way back in the mid 60 s . my original dentist retired a few years ago after going part time to indulge his passion for golf . he was able to do this by hot-seating patients swapping between 2 of the 3 rooms . drilling and filling in one then swapping to check and inspect in the other while the anaesthetic / amalgam took effect . i always got on well with him . he saw me grow through my early years , up through adolescence and into manhood . he saw me catching up with him and when i got too close he knew it was time to retire . better things to do . i remember once it was boiling hot , all the windows were open and we were in the middle of a heat wave . i was greeted in the chair by " i'm dreaming of a white xmas " playing loudly in the background . he told me one day he had recently left his wife . later he discovered that i made my own wine and he then shared with me that the reason he left his wife was because his wine cellar had grown to 3000 bottles . there just wasn't any room for her . she gave him an ultimatum and he made his decision . so he retired , played golf and drank plenty of wine , safe in the knowledge that he never had to smell bad breath again through choice or go through the daily ritual of pulling 50 mouths into the collection of random oval shapes . if you're still out there - nice one , george !