tale of the 2 big brothers

you think i'm talking about celeb ( are there any ? ) big brother - no , i mean the real life one . the one where you find out the place you now work wants to control your waking moments and some of the others too . for example, " mobile phone policy " which i was directed to last week " to make personal calls on a company mobile you should use an asterisk after the dialled number ..... " - this means these calls can be segmented on the bill and itemised and stick out like a sore thumb thereby allowing big brother security dept 107 A to

a.) chase you for the cost

b.) tally this up with ........

....the activity management report " which enables the company to correlate various types of activity to productivity and will therefore help you to monitor which activity is the most profitable use of your time " . i.e. tell them what you are doing during the hours they feel they are paying you for , like making calls , appointments , time travelling , lunch , entertaining etc etc . i feel this is only the tip of the iceberg . hard drives are duplicated ( apparently to ensure no data loss ) internet and intranet activity is tracked to see what areas i visit and they are about to issue me with a 3g card ( and i get the feeling that might come with an optional service to triangulate where i am ) . maybe i'm just getting paranoid . i've also been given a copy of the highway code ( send that out to the dottery old bastards with flat caps who get in my way ) and a laminated card to keep in the car with " what to do in the event of an accident " . i already know what to do in the event of an accident - make your excuses , put a bit of toilet roll down your cacs to prevent further leakage and avoid public transport on the way home .

so big brother , channel 4 stylee . i've seen some of this late at night after my hotel networking . complete crap , apart from john mc crirrick . bez ? he was " the dancer " in the happy mondays i think . is it just me or is he really that thick and vacuous . and why are his eyes so close together . he couldn't possibly have the proper stereoscopic vision of his fellow primates - must walk into doors all the time and drop things a lot . mrs stallone , well if ever you girls needed a lesson in what happens when aquired unearned wealth meets the surgeons knife ....... she used to be dead , right ? but she isn't the worst in this dept . for that you've got to go here and check out the bookmarks on the right hand side . you've got kylie , christina , natalie , donatella , courtney , paris , oh and one for the lads . now if those breasts look good i'm jackie stallone .