what xmas teaches us
from the title i suppose you think this entry is going to be theological . i can start by telling you therefore that i won't be talking about baby jesus , god and any of the 3 commandments . every xmas we go through a similar ritual , like it or not . this year i decided to note down some things in the vain hope that from my knowledge i will avoid some of the perenial xmas problems and issues next time . so , in my now customary list mode i will reveal what this xmas taught me .... 1. 1 yr old children and balloons do not mix . 2. get drunk before the opening of presents - that way your look of nonchalance at their gift will be passed off as a drunken haze . 3. filling the dish washer should be done by responsible , intelligent , logical ( which therefore excludes most women ) adults . specifically , dishcloths should not be thrown in the bottom of it ( that's where all the water gets out from ) , large utensils should not be placed in the path of the rotating water sprinklers and a grinding noise does not indicate that the dishwasher is working especially hard because is knows it is xmas ( more likely this is a terminal mechanical problem ). 4. there is no need to open , at the same time , red wine , white wine , a bottle of vintage champagne , when everyone in the room apart from you is driving . 5. offers to stay the night are for effect only and should not be taken up on . 6. your boring brother is boring . that's why you refer to him in the company of strangers as my boring brother . remember not to ask him any questons next year or make eye contact at any time . in fact remember to be out of the country at this time next year . 7. avoid staying out to 5 am on xmas eve - the offer of a free selection of drugs should not be allowed to influence your decision in any way . 8. treat yourself to a colonic irrigation gift voucher in good time and book the appointment for the 27th december . 9. alcohol , wrapping paper and swiss army knives are not good bedfellows . this will undoubtedly end in xmas eve tears , and stitches . if you can suggest anything you've learned from xmas please make a comment below . oh , and remember to sign up for automatic alerts using the link above this blog on the main page . thanks
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