Dearly beloved....
About to change job as I am I'm wrestling with what I should use the next 2 to 4 weeks wind-down time doing. I've thought about clearing my office and getting it proper business like for the new job, doing some electrical and decorating work around the house and clearing all the hedges and shrubs I don't like from the garden. Yawn. They're not getting your juices going either I see. What's a man to do with 4 weeks on his hands that'll make a difference to the world, leave a mark, a permanent reminder that I was here, that I was worth something (first one to say delusions of grandeur signs their own death warrant).
So.... I've come to the obvious conclusion that it would be a good idea for me to start a new religion. A cult if you must. A misspelling if you insist.
I need a bit of help though. Some other bored buggers have got in ahead of me and have pillars and commandments and the like. We (yes, you're invited) need to come up with some original rules and practices we can base our religion on (and that we can live by without making too much effort).
So, on you go then.
12 comments:
I propose that we shave our heads and wear oran... fuck. Ok, so we make you wear a big hat and sit on a gold throne where... FUCK. Ok, right, this is a good one. We make up gods with lots of arms and elephant heads and wear bejewlled foreh... FUCKFUCKFUCK.
As a naked Tom Cruise said to Katie Holmes, this is harder than it looks.
I see the Swearing Lady wants lots and lots of fucking in your new cult. Orgies maybe? Can we have drinks with little umbrellas in them constantly?
What should we call you? Montygod? And what sort of demigod will you be? How many women will bear your new offspring? There are many things to consider you see...
I suppose you'll want all our insurance polices signed over to you as well. You'll need a secretary first. Get a male one so you won't be distracted. Get busy, you only have 4 weeks silly....
Now Swearing Lady do you honestly expect me to believe that Katie Has seen Tom's knob? Hold on, I feel a joke coming on. If she saw his cock one more time it would be the second coming. Ah, forget it.
Sher, that's the spirit.
Everyone a gem. Orgies and drink. Lots of fucking. Montygod, that'll do nicely. Sign over the policies, love it. Can I afford a white Rolls yet?
Montygod, ontop of the rules already mentioned, we will need a symbol. I propose the silhouette of the naked lady, which is often seen on the mudflaps of tractor trailers. Simple, to the point, and easy (to remember).
http://www.nicerack.biz/order/prodimages/OurLadyOfTheMud_tn.jpg
Oh, and what is the name of your religion?
I get you Sarah.
This...
Name of religion...gotta give that some thought but am open to suggestions. Maybe "The Religious Fuckers".
Since the Whoremons excommunicated my ass for putting caffeine in my body (via a Starbuck's high colonic), I've been looking for a new religion. Your new religion just might be the ticket to salvation.
In the name of MontyGod, we pray...
Amen
Montygod -
I'm wondering if perhaps we can all wear lingerie all the time? And could you please brainwash some cabana boys to wait on us? Or maybe just brainwash Jock to be the cabana boy? (But please dont allow him to do those high colonics on us, I LIKE being full of shit.)
Ritual practicing, right, Melissa?
Jock, pull up a pew.
Sher, lingerie you say? Sounds good to me. Make it lacy.
Melissa, drugs are allowed, encouraged even.
I'm already a, High Priestess in the, Church of the Golden Dildo, but I'm easily swayed, and I did see the word orgies....
I'd like my own personal cabana boy. That's something a MontyGod could handle. I'll take very good care of him... promise! BIG HUGS, Steph
I know the Moonies have got there before us, but I do like the idea of compulsory exposure of bottoms from the back seat of buses.
...and of course sex in open places and gin and tonics for breakfast.
Lisa, that's a veritable triumvirate of good ideas. Let's not restrict bare bums to the back seats of buses though. Spread the love.
Steph, cabana boys....I think I'll allow then. Be clear that cabana girls have to be part of the picture too, no discrimination here.
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