tittle tattle

Breasts. Two of my favourite words, if you know what I mean. I could look at them all day. No matter how hard I try to avert my eyes they always lock on, Exocet style.

A friend of mine got a new pair last week. She's not what I'd call an attractive girl. Not ugly in any sense either, a bit too skinny perhaps. Her 34As were not doing it for her so she spent £4000 on an upgrade seeing as her marriage had just ended. Sitting out in the sun on Sunday afternoon with a few friends, all female excepting me, she unzipped her cotton jersey cardy to show the girls her new playmates and "forgot" she was just wearing a crocheted dress underneath. Her "forgetfulness" was magnified by her decision to tweak her protruding nipples before casting her gaze in my direction.

To me her 34Ds still looked like a pair of rigid porn burger baps unsympathetically highlighted by a distinct lack of cleavage, there being more resemblance to the profile of the Great Rift Valley than a Welsh one.

Ladies, don't mess with nature. Find a way to better present what you have. I'll be happy to lend a hand.


p.s. take the test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on boobs