crash bang wallop - what a picture

Don't ask me what made this jump into my head. I was lying awake last night having been up late doing some work and Wallop! in it came. The title refers to something that happened when I was at school and about 14. One day in one of the playgrounds I was quietly minding my own business walking from A to B when I saw bearing down on me "Benners". That's not her real name. It's a convenient derivation of her nickname I'll use just in case she ever does a Google search of her real nickname and ends up here because she wouldn't appreciate what I'm going to tell you. I didn't call her Benners, only her girlfriends did (one of whom had a particularly nice arse). I called her Horse based on the fact that she was built like an East European female Olympic athlete from the 80s complete with back hair and a guinea pig under each arm. For all she was worth she tried to be as girly as possible and hung around with a really choice assortment of lovely looking girls. This was in vain however as she had ...... an over-large lower face characterised by cheeks on steroids and a nose you could cut wood with. Anyway, Benners or Horse bore down on me a grande vitesse and raised me bodily in the air only to crash down in a lump, specs broke, nose bleeding, my eye already swelling up. I wasn't happy as I picked myself up but due to the fact Horse was lying whimpering on the ground complaining about a slightly skinned knee a crowd gathered thinking I had "emptied" her (how she avoided landing on that over sized face I'll never know). Around this time some brave soul gave me a wallop which helped me complete my collection of facial injuries. Funnily enough I never did get to like her. I did however get some Karmic justice when about 3 years later her then boyfriend shared a titbit of information that haunts me to this day. For this you will have to try and imagine how she looked according to my description above then add the fact that he once inserted a Mars bar a la punani and gorged himself (Marianne Faithful and Mick Jagger style) on the resulting melted best-selling confection .

Now, can someone please help me get rid of the Horse ?