connectathon

Am I dead? No. But my computer is, or rather my ISP.

Without wishing to bore I've been having problems with my ISP's speed and connection since they upgraded the line to ADSL2+. It seems my router is incompatible with speeds above 2Mb.
So most of my pc time has been spent fiddling.

Not content with dealing with 1 issue I ordered a replacement CPU from Thailand for my ageing pc to give it a slight performance upgrade. This involves detaching every cable connected to the motherboard and taking it out of the case to swap the CPU. Tiny static discharges will kill the motherboard/CPU so it takes care and leads only seem to like going back on to the same place they came off!

I nearly cooked the new CPU, got an alarm after rebuild which lead to auto shutdown and going into the BIOS told me the temp was 86 C after only a few seconds. After checking the leads I discovered I'd put the heat sink on 180 degrees out of sync so the CPU had nearly no contact with the thermal grease mating it to the heat sink. Anyway, 10 minutes later and all was solved.

I said I wouldn't bore you with the details. Aren't you fucking glad I didn't spill the detail on the ISP connection problem?
Don't listen to me in future.

Planets in alignment

I need to make this short. Business meeting in Edinburgh yesterday culminating in dinner in a glass boardroom on top of building directly overlooking Edinburgh Castle. Mojitos and Bisongrass followed in Tiger Lily chased by deep fried Mars bar. Back to Malmaison for a drink (or two) and bed at 2.30am.

5.20am, my alarm call to get up to catch an early flight home accompanied by my boss to spend the day doing joint meetings with him. Can you see where things might start to wrong?

It's now 5.45pm. At 7.30 I have to be at a hotel for a formal dress industry dinner (which turns into a complete piss up) and act as host to 7 guests ( 4 of which are women) including my boss.

3 hours sleep, copious amount of drink, ladies in pretty dresses and my boss. I'm fucked, aren't I?

no tastey tastey

Do you remember when it was possible to have fun without feeling some sense of endangerment.

I wish I hadn't read this?

tittle tattle

Breasts. Two of my favourite words, if you know what I mean. I could look at them all day. No matter how hard I try to avert my eyes they always lock on, Exocet style.

A friend of mine got a new pair last week. She's not what I'd call an attractive girl. Not ugly in any sense either, a bit too skinny perhaps. Her 34As were not doing it for her so she spent £4000 on an upgrade seeing as her marriage had just ended. Sitting out in the sun on Sunday afternoon with a few friends, all female excepting me, she unzipped her cotton jersey cardy to show the girls her new playmates and "forgot" she was just wearing a crocheted dress underneath. Her "forgetfulness" was magnified by her decision to tweak her protruding nipples before casting her gaze in my direction.

To me her 34Ds still looked like a pair of rigid porn burger baps unsympathetically highlighted by a distinct lack of cleavage, there being more resemblance to the profile of the Great Rift Valley than a Welsh one.

Ladies, don't mess with nature. Find a way to better present what you have. I'll be happy to lend a hand.


p.s. take the test

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on boobs